1st Trimester... Upchuck Galore!

I am over my first trimester. Alhamdulillah.. It was quite an interesting three months I had since everything is all new to me. The first month was quite okay and my appetite kind of increased a little bit. By the time the second month kicked in, the bout of dizziness and nauseousness reared it's ugly head. Unlike some pregnant women, I was not so blessed to escape that bout of morning sickness. Mine was more like an all day sickness no matter what time it is, be it early morning, afternoon or even at night. I often get migraine and even had to bring a homemade cold compress to work (even into a few meetings!). I made the cold compress by putting a couple of ice cubes into a ziplock plastic bag, then wrapping that ziplock bag with a towel, then tying the towel with a rubber band. I even had an aversion to any kinds of scent! There goes my perfume wearing days. I also had developed a kind of dislike to anything labeled as cosmetic too. So all my lipbalms had to sit in my drawer for quite some time.

The nauseousness was quite bad for me. I had to have a couple of sour tidbits to nibble on to lessen the effect. It became even harder when the holy fasting month came. I was in my third month at that time. During the day I could not nibble on snacks to keep that pukish feeling at bay so I end up feeling sick all day. The dizziness was also one thing I had to deal with. I was trying my best to get a full month of fasting but I was too weak to get it. At one point, I was too weak to do anything and had to lie down at the office to get a little bit of strength. It was at that time that I surrendered and went to see the doctor at the nearby clinic. The doctor told me that I was having a low blood pressure and advised me not to fast because I was quite weak. She even gave me a few days of medical leave so that I could rest. She even told me that if my condition continues, she might have to admit me into the hospital to get some fluids into my system. After that, my dear husband told me to alternate my fasting days. I end up fasting a couple of days and then resting for one day, then continuing to fast a couple of days and then rest for one day again, and the cycle goes on until the end of fasting month.

My boss was quite furious that I had to take a couple of days off for my medical leave (as instructed by my doctor, mind you!). He even called me a weakling! All I could reply was that not all pregnant women are blessed with strength during their first trimester and every pregnancy is not the same. Even though I was sick all day and was quite weak, I managed to get all my work done and he had no reason to complaint at all. So, in the end he let me be and maybe my work spoke for me even though there might be some whispers behind my back saying what a weakling I am. Who cares, right? As long as the baby in my belly is growing healthily, I am happy even though I feel crappy. ( ^_^ )

1st Trimester ~ Surprising Turn of Likes & Dislikes..

Being pregnant is something new to me and my dear husband. Currently, I am in the midst of my first trimester. From the beginning I was feeling quite healthy but once the hormones started to kick in, all types of fiasco kind of broke loose. By fiasco I meant the morning, afternoon and night sickness. ( >.< ) I guess every pregnancy is different for every women since when my sisters were pregnant, they either had brief morning OR night sickness but I got the whole package and it lasted for quite some time too. Huhu.. My mother said it might even stay up till my 6th month of pregnancy! Yikes!

Apart from the sickness and feeling like a limp veggie all day and night, my preferences for food and things to do had also changed mysteriously. I used to go gung ho on online shopping, but now? Nope, kind of hate it. Yup, it' true. ME, the non-stop shopper had abruptedly stopped shopping! My dear hubby is very very very happy about this change. Haha! I don't even like to go the shopping malls now. We go to shopping malls only if we had to especially for food or groceries. Sometimes my hubby goes alone because I don't feel like going through the throngs of people jostling about at the mall.

I also watch less and less tv except cooking shows and I also don't get hooked up on the internet as often as before. Weird, huh? My preferences for food had also changed somehow. I used to reaaaally like my food to be slightly on the sweet side, but now not so much. My cup of pre-mixed teh tarik now can be drank without additional sugar! I don't add sugar to my chicken soup anymore and I don't seem to crave for chocolates as much. I do notice that I kind of like roti canai a lot and aslo iced milk tea. Yum!

I now suddenly cannot stand the whiff of any kinds of perfume-y scents. All my favourite scents are unwearable as they kind of make me feel woozy and what smelled nice to me before now smelled quite bad. I can only stand a minimal amount of vanilla-ish scent or anything that smelled fresh. In the end I don't use any perfume at all. Since my hubby still uses them, he had to resort putting his perfume on outside of our room. Thank you, hubby!  Other than that, I also suddenly have this hate for makeup and lippies. I used to go crazy over lip balms but now I cannot stand the idea of putting them on my lips! Any hype or advertisement about makeup made me cringe and pull a face. I really really cannot stand the idea of it, it's that bad! So now, I don't wear any of my favourite lipbalms anymore and the lot had been sitting idly in my drawer serving no purpose (for the time being, I hope).

Anyway, likes and dislikes apart, I still cannot stomach a lot of food because almost everything makes me nauseous. I end up loosing quite a lot of weight because I tend to not eat a lot. I do much on dry biscuits and some sour tidbits to keep the nauseousness at bay but since it's a pregnancy hormone thing, it's still there. For the time being I'll just have to wing it and hope that this phase of sickness will fade away fast and that my tiny little baby in my tummy is growing healthily. Praying hard to Allah SWT that everything goes well for me and the baby. ( ^_^ )

It Has Finally Happened..

A miracle has finally happened for my husband and I. We got pregnant!! After seven years of being married and having our honeymoon years, after a loooong trip down the infertility treatment road, we are finally blessed with a little one on our way. I am still coming to terms with the fact that our baby is growing in my belly and sometimes second guessing myself. My dear husband is taking it all in rather well. He has been very helpful and supportive of my all day and night sickness and my lack of energy to do anything.

Remember when we were in between cycles and were put on hold since April? Well, in May I tried again to get that elusive appointment from LPPKN with no luck as usual. This time around a very friendly nurse picked up the phone when I made the call. She got my medical file and perused over it after asking the usual routine question on when was my last cycle. She commented that the last IUI was technically supposed to be a sure-hitter because everything was looking great. My eggs were the right size, my uterus was lining nicely and the timing was right. Unfortunately it was not meant to be. Since I had to wait out this cycle too, the nurse advised me on the fertile dates based on my cycle and that we should try again naturally and pray that a miracle might happen. We did just that and after those dates, and my husband made me promise not to do a HPT until I really have missed my monthly flow. After that, we didn't put much thought to it but went by our daily life (Yeah, right! As if it the two weeks wait didn't nag at the back of my brain the whole time! Hehe..).

My willpower to not pee on a stick didn't last very long though. A few days before my monthly flow was due, I did a HPT early in the morning. I actually saw a very faint line. It was very faint that I was doubting that it was there and was in between believing, hoping and thinking that maybe it was an evaporation line. I didn't put my hopes up and just went on to work trying not to think about it. The next morning, which was the day that my period was actually due to come, I tried again and a faint line appeared slightly darker than the previous day. A bubble of hope started to rise in my heart.

Peeing on a stick can truly become an addiction. I did the test again on the third day and got a slightly darker line again. I was trying to tone down my bubbling hope by this point because I didn't want to get another false positive like last time. But, at the same time I still couldn't stop peeing on that darned stick! Aaaa! It has become an addiction! My dear husband was on to me by this time and told me not to use another HPT on the next day. I succeeded in doing what he asked but I did the test again on the following day! I just couldn't help myself! This time the line was clearly visible. The next day, I finally succumbed in using my Clearblue stick that had been sitting in my dresser drawer. I got a really thick blue horizontal line, which I never had before this. The lines that I always get were very faint even though they were positives. This time around it was very very clear and thick.

I called up LPPKN the next day to book an appointment for UPT at the clinic to confirm and the kind nurse told me to just walk-in. On that morning when we getting ready to go to the clinic, I did two tests in one go using a Guardian's HPT (which was quite good) and also a Clearblue Digital (just for good measure.. hehe..). When we arrived at the clinic, a little fiasco ensued between a particular stern nurse and the kindly nurse at the Fertility Clinic counter saying I cannot walk-in (huh? Contradiction from the instruction I got over the phone!). She told me to wait so she could check with my doctor (who was in the procedure room carrying out IUIs). She even told me to surrender my waiting number coupon and returned my appointment card (indicating that I will not be tested that day). The kind nurse who advised me came over and told me to just wait a while and then she also went to see my doctor. Then after a few minutes, the stern nurse called out my name, and told me to give back my appointment card and she returned the waiting number coupon to me and told me to wait. I guess I am to be tested after all! Haha! The kind nurse was smiling smugly while the stern nurse was trying to avoid looking at me directly.

After a while, I did the urine test and then waited for the result. After almost all waiting patients cleared out of the waiting room (those with appointments), I was called in to finally see my doctor. He was smiling when we entered his room. As we sat in front of his desk, he broke the news and shook our hands. It was POSITIVE!! He even wrote the result using a red pen in capital letters. We then discussed about the possibility of how I got pregnant naturally in between cycles. My doctor said that maybe the effects of the hormonal injections and medicines that I took was still in my system helping me to be extra fertile which helped me get pregnant. We didn't want to argue because we were over the moon. My husband finally accepted the fact that all the tests I did at home were actually positive! The doctor then gave us advice on how to be extra careful during the first trimester as he didn't want what happened with me last time to occur again. He gave us lots of advice and tips about pregnancy as well. At the end of the consultation session, my doctor told me that I can carry out monthly checkup at any hospital of my choice and need not to come to LPPKN for check ups anymore. They are releasing me. I felt kind of sad but relieved at the same time. Kind of like saying goodbye to an old friend..

Anyway, here we are on our new journey to become parents after 7 years of marriage. I feel very happy but at the same time a bit scared and uncertain. I hope everything goes well with no complications. I am thankful to Allah SWT in giving us a chance to finally have a baby in our life.. Alhamdulillah.. ( ^ _^ )

Another Cycle Put On Hold..

I called up LPPKN yesterday to start another cycle since the ugly AF had shown its ugly head a few days back. I was actually at the Convention Centre setting up the protocol tagging and running here and there to get my job at hand done. In the midst of hectic madness I managed to squeeze in my phone call to LPPKN. After more than a couple of times trying to get to the Fertility Unit, I was put through and was able to talk to a nurse to set up my appointment. The nurse checked my doctor's schedule and broke the bad news to me that he is yet again unavailable this month because his calendar is already full! That means yet another cycle had to be put on wait, AGAIN! The same thing happened last month and again this month. Ramadhan is getting near so I think maybe it's going to be like last year all over again. I kind of feel sad thinking that this journey is too hard for me to take and it's taking a toll on me emotionally and physically. Plus, the waiting game DOES NOT help BIG TIME! *sigh*

I have been too busy lately with work that I don't have time for a decent rest everyday. Weekends are always hectic for me as well since lately we either travel long distance or we have to run around doing errands for others. In the crazy non-stop  and energy draining race I think I've lost a bit of myself along the way. I feel very tired, sad, hurt and lost all my drive for anything. I just want to stay home for a while but I know that's not possible.. I have to admit it.. I am officially depressed.. ( _ _ )