It Has Finally Happened..

A miracle has finally happened for my husband and I. We got pregnant!! After seven years of being married and having our honeymoon years, after a loooong trip down the infertility treatment road, we are finally blessed with a little one on our way. I am still coming to terms with the fact that our baby is growing in my belly and sometimes second guessing myself. My dear husband is taking it all in rather well. He has been very helpful and supportive of my all day and night sickness and my lack of energy to do anything.

Remember when we were in between cycles and were put on hold since April? Well, in May I tried again to get that elusive appointment from LPPKN with no luck as usual. This time around a very friendly nurse picked up the phone when I made the call. She got my medical file and perused over it after asking the usual routine question on when was my last cycle. She commented that the last IUI was technically supposed to be a sure-hitter because everything was looking great. My eggs were the right size, my uterus was lining nicely and the timing was right. Unfortunately it was not meant to be. Since I had to wait out this cycle too, the nurse advised me on the fertile dates based on my cycle and that we should try again naturally and pray that a miracle might happen. We did just that and after those dates, and my husband made me promise not to do a HPT until I really have missed my monthly flow. After that, we didn't put much thought to it but went by our daily life (Yeah, right! As if it the two weeks wait didn't nag at the back of my brain the whole time! Hehe..).

My willpower to not pee on a stick didn't last very long though. A few days before my monthly flow was due, I did a HPT early in the morning. I actually saw a very faint line. It was very faint that I was doubting that it was there and was in between believing, hoping and thinking that maybe it was an evaporation line. I didn't put my hopes up and just went on to work trying not to think about it. The next morning, which was the day that my period was actually due to come, I tried again and a faint line appeared slightly darker than the previous day. A bubble of hope started to rise in my heart.

Peeing on a stick can truly become an addiction. I did the test again on the third day and got a slightly darker line again. I was trying to tone down my bubbling hope by this point because I didn't want to get another false positive like last time. But, at the same time I still couldn't stop peeing on that darned stick! Aaaa! It has become an addiction! My dear husband was on to me by this time and told me not to use another HPT on the next day. I succeeded in doing what he asked but I did the test again on the following day! I just couldn't help myself! This time the line was clearly visible. The next day, I finally succumbed in using my Clearblue stick that had been sitting in my dresser drawer. I got a really thick blue horizontal line, which I never had before this. The lines that I always get were very faint even though they were positives. This time around it was very very clear and thick.

I called up LPPKN the next day to book an appointment for UPT at the clinic to confirm and the kind nurse told me to just walk-in. On that morning when we getting ready to go to the clinic, I did two tests in one go using a Guardian's HPT (which was quite good) and also a Clearblue Digital (just for good measure.. hehe..). When we arrived at the clinic, a little fiasco ensued between a particular stern nurse and the kindly nurse at the Fertility Clinic counter saying I cannot walk-in (huh? Contradiction from the instruction I got over the phone!). She told me to wait so she could check with my doctor (who was in the procedure room carrying out IUIs). She even told me to surrender my waiting number coupon and returned my appointment card (indicating that I will not be tested that day). The kind nurse who advised me came over and told me to just wait a while and then she also went to see my doctor. Then after a few minutes, the stern nurse called out my name, and told me to give back my appointment card and she returned the waiting number coupon to me and told me to wait. I guess I am to be tested after all! Haha! The kind nurse was smiling smugly while the stern nurse was trying to avoid looking at me directly.

After a while, I did the urine test and then waited for the result. After almost all waiting patients cleared out of the waiting room (those with appointments), I was called in to finally see my doctor. He was smiling when we entered his room. As we sat in front of his desk, he broke the news and shook our hands. It was POSITIVE!! He even wrote the result using a red pen in capital letters. We then discussed about the possibility of how I got pregnant naturally in between cycles. My doctor said that maybe the effects of the hormonal injections and medicines that I took was still in my system helping me to be extra fertile which helped me get pregnant. We didn't want to argue because we were over the moon. My husband finally accepted the fact that all the tests I did at home were actually positive! The doctor then gave us advice on how to be extra careful during the first trimester as he didn't want what happened with me last time to occur again. He gave us lots of advice and tips about pregnancy as well. At the end of the consultation session, my doctor told me that I can carry out monthly checkup at any hospital of my choice and need not to come to LPPKN for check ups anymore. They are releasing me. I felt kind of sad but relieved at the same time. Kind of like saying goodbye to an old friend..

Anyway, here we are on our new journey to become parents after 7 years of marriage. I feel very happy but at the same time a bit scared and uncertain. I hope everything goes well with no complications. I am thankful to Allah SWT in giving us a chance to finally have a baby in our life.. Alhamdulillah.. ( ^ _^ )

Another Cycle Put On Hold..

I called up LPPKN yesterday to start another cycle since the ugly AF had shown its ugly head a few days back. I was actually at the Convention Centre setting up the protocol tagging and running here and there to get my job at hand done. In the midst of hectic madness I managed to squeeze in my phone call to LPPKN. After more than a couple of times trying to get to the Fertility Unit, I was put through and was able to talk to a nurse to set up my appointment. The nurse checked my doctor's schedule and broke the bad news to me that he is yet again unavailable this month because his calendar is already full! That means yet another cycle had to be put on wait, AGAIN! The same thing happened last month and again this month. Ramadhan is getting near so I think maybe it's going to be like last year all over again. I kind of feel sad thinking that this journey is too hard for me to take and it's taking a toll on me emotionally and physically. Plus, the waiting game DOES NOT help BIG TIME! *sigh*

I have been too busy lately with work that I don't have time for a decent rest everyday. Weekends are always hectic for me as well since lately we either travel long distance or we have to run around doing errands for others. In the crazy non-stop  and energy draining race I think I've lost a bit of myself along the way. I feel very tired, sad, hurt and lost all my drive for anything. I just want to stay home for a while but I know that's not possible.. I have to admit it.. I am officially depressed.. ( _ _ )
 

Too Many Things To Do.. Too Little Time..

Hi guys. I am so sorry that I was absent from updating this blog for some time. The reason being that I got too many things to handle at the new office for the time being. Since my assistant got into a car accident last weekend and had to stay at home for about a week and my supervisor transferred division at that same week, I am left alone and HUGELY handicapped since I had to do everything myself!

To make matters worse, suddenly there are numerous request and standing directions from higher level management for my unit to carry out various events and meetings for this month and next month as well! I tried to do whatever I can to complete all the tasks with the only two hands I have. I guess if it comes to desperate measure, I'll have to use my feet as well! Maybe by then my boss will realize that I am given way too many stuff to do at the same time. 

I guess for the time being it is my fate to work at the most busiest places in every organizations I'm placed at. I do wish that one day I will have the opportunity to be placed at a decent paced office and somewhere where I can at least take a breather once in a while. Huhu.. ( T T )

A New Cycle Put On Hold.. Waiting Game, Here We Go Again!

I think it's official that my 2nd IUI was not successful, since the last glimmer of hope has already sunk with the steady flow of non-stopping blood. After I had pulled all the misery I am feeling currently into a corner of my brain, I called LPPKN past 2.30 pm as usual (because they will not give you an appointment if you call before the assigned time). The nurse told me that she will call me back to confirm my appointment and so I waited. After about 30 minutes later, she did call me back but to bring bad news that the doctor's appointment is already full for tomorrow, so I have to wait for another month to see my doctor. That means, I have to wait for another AF cycle then I will only be able to call LPPKN to get an appointment, but that is also subject to the clinic's availability for that month. Now, do you still wonder why I get so stressful and depressed about this whole infertility business? It seems like the waiting game gets to be played more than the actual treatment itself. Anyway, I am currently walking around with gloomy cloud over my head and have no desire to interact with the people around me for the time being. I just want to be left alone, not go to work and just stay in bed.. Woe becomes me.. ( T T )

17 days past IUI..

It has been 17 days past my IUI procedure and 2 days past since I started spotting and bleeding.. Today the bleeding seem to get heavier and steadier. Even though deep in my heart I am still hoping that this is not my monthly AF, but I guess the evidence tells otherwise. Apart from the weird flow of blood, I also has lost the soreness in my BBs and the cramping also has been almost nonexistence. I am crushed and down in the dumps.. Now I have to prepare myself for another round of trial and tribulation of IVF as the next step. Why is it so hard to get a baby? ( T T )

15 days past IUI..

It has been 15 days past my IUI procedure. I am now very worried because since last night some bleeding had occurred at around 7 pm. I tried to stay calm and just go about my daily routine but the fact that I bled is nagging in my head. I went to bed and woke up today and was relieved that there was no spotting. I went about my daily morning routine of ironing my work clothes and stepped into the bathroom to shower and found that there was some bleeding! Aaaaaa! I am panicking BIG TIME!

After trying to psych myself (without any success) I got ready for work with protection that women uses monthly just in case the ugly AF decided to show up (and dreading it all the way). I haven't missed taking my daily dosage of Folic Acid and my Duphaston at 8.00 am and 8.00 pm everyday (with occasional time lapse now and then that is, but still diligently everyday).

At about 9.30 am here at the office, I went to the loo and found that there was no spotting but only a little bit of a pinkish stain. I am now a bit confused and scared. Is it implantation spotting or is it the early signs of AF showing up? I called up my sister and she told me to take it easy, breathe and not to stress myself out (a hard thing to do in my case). She told me that when she had her first baby, she did bleed also but in a red jelly-like form. That had got me worried to because my bleeding is not jelly-like. It's like the early arrival of AF or the end of it. I really really really hope that this is not the case of AF for me. ( T T )

Up until today my cramping has lessened and the soreness in my BBs are still there but not quite as strong as the first week post IUI. I don't feel as bloated as the first week as well. Apart from occasional headaches and the spotting, I really feel fine. I do hope that the lack of symptoms does not lead to bad news for me. Please pray for me to get a BFP this time..

14 days past IUI..

It has been 14 days past my IUI procedure. I am now in my 2nd week of the dreaded 2 Weeks Waiting period. For the 1st week, I had experienced some mild cramping and sore BBs. This week it has been almost the same but I felt the cramping is intermittent and the soreness has lessened. Now this got me really worried because from what I've read, most women with cramping and sore BBs usually end up with big fat positive signs when they do their HPT. Lately, however, I did experience tiredness, felt slightly bloated and had a slight back pain. I am getting most of the usual symptoms when I am near the time AF comes but I hope these are all the signs that lead to a BFP this time!

The pull to do the HPT is VERY strong! I practically have to tell myself over and over again that it's too early. I hope my will power will prevail and help me not get sucked into the pee-on-a-stick rampage!

Anyway, baby dust, please come my way! ( ^-^ )

IUI Day!!

I woke up today a little bit late since I slept late last night. The prospect of my IUI procedure was hanging on my back as my dear husband and I was rushing to get ready and perform my prayers. We drove to LPPKN and stopped by a McDonald's drive-through for our breakfast on the go and ate in the car while we were stuck inside traffic. We arrived at LPPKN at 8.00 am, 30 minutes late than scheduled. Luckily the nurse at the counter was in a good mood and did not scold me or anything. I took my Duphaston while we were waiting and made a mental note not to forget this time.

My hubby and I waited for a while and then heard his name called. We were told to go up to level 7 for my hubby to produce his swimmers to be processed by the lab. After that was done, we were told to go back to level 6 for payment and then proceed back to level 7 to wait for the IUI procedure. We waited quite some time at level 6 but my name was not called. The clock was already ticking and I was getting worried. In the end I went to the nurse counter and asked about the bill. She then passed me the bill and told me to go to the payment counter. Duh!! I could have cut the waiting time shorter if only I'd asked earlier rather than waited. Huhu..

After the payment was made, we made our way back to level 7 and waited for my name to be called out. My husband was already nodding off because he stayed up late the other night doing his assignment. When my name was called, I went into the operation room and was told to lie down on my back on one of the curtained beds. Now, I have a very low pain threshold and am dreading the speculum they are going to use. I even asked the nurse whether I can be drugged so that I would not feel the pain when the speculum is inserted but she just laughed and said that I need to relax and not fight the thingamajig.. 

As I laid on the bed with my legs propped up my panic kind of build up and I was already trying to subdue my trembling. By the time the doctor came I was on the verge of a panic attack and I told my doctor about my panic state. He calmed me down and told me to take deep breaths and breath slowly. Two nurses stood by each bedside and coached me to calm down throughout the whole process. My doctor then proceeded to clean my vijayjay with warm water and then placed the speculum slowly. Surprisingly it didn't hurt as much as I anticipated but once he started to open the mouth of the speculum wide and screwing the tool to lock it in place, I started to feel pain. When the nice nurse on my right side recited my name and identification number for confirmation I was already not focusing because I was concentrating hard not to clench my muscle down there. But I did catch a glimpse of my name and confirmed. My doctor asked me to confirm my name and I hurriedly confirmed that the specimen in the small tube the nurse is holding is my husband's and my name is there on the tube.

Then the doctor proceeded to inject the sperm using a small catheter and then loosened up the speculum. The pain I felt subsided as the screw was loosened up and the speculum withdrawn out. Then my doctor told me to keep my legs bent up and lie down for 20-30 minutes. Luckily I brought a book with me this time to pass the time away. After the whole procedure and waiting is over, I was given an MC and was told to relax and try to not stress myself out. If everything goes well and Aunt Flo does not come knocking at my door this month, I am scheduled to go for a Urine Pregnancy Test on the 3rd of May.

I hope this time everything do go well and I can break great news at last to everyone for the first time. Lots of baby dust for me pretty please. Now I am embarking on the journey of the 2 weeks wait which is excrutiating on the nerves. Do pray for me ya! ( ^_^ )

Busy Day Plus Appointment With Mr Dildocam again..

I haven't told all of you what my new office assigned me to do and it's a shocker for me. I have to be in charge of events. What?? I am so not an event in charge person and the most not outspoken person on the planet. I was supposed to be involved with human resource but somehow the person that was supposed to be saddled with the events thingie talked to management and managed to wiggle out of that predicament. Everybody know that being in charge of events for an organization is super duper busy. I was hoping to be placed at a more relaxed place but I guess that didn't happen. I am hoping I would get my due promotion this year and can move on to other division and get my butt out of the event mess.

Well, even though I am a newbie in this event handling unit, there's an event scheduled on the 6th, which happened to be the day that I have my second appointment with Mr. Dildocam at 3.00 pm. I was supposed to be at the hotel where they are holding the event at 3.00 pm to oversee the preparation. I told my supervisor about my appointment and she was fine with me being a little late since I had no clue on what to do anyway at the hotel.

So, at 3.00 pm I was already at LPPKN getting my eggs scanned. My doctor was quite happy with the progress and the two big eggs had grown from 18mm to 20mm and the other small sized eggs were also growing 1mm to 2mm bigger. My doctor told that the sizes are very ideal and we need to carry out the IUI on Friday. So on that night, I had to inject myself with Pregnyl at 8.00 pm. I was thinking to myself, 'Oh no! The event starts at 8.00 pm!'.

My hubby then drove me to the hotel and left me there to finish my job for the day. I went and tried my best to observe and oversee what I could with the help of some subordinates, my supervisor and also some colleagues with the table tagging, guest list and arrangement. When all that was done, I went up to a shared hotel room and got ready. After my evening prayers, I injected myself with Pregnyl at 7.55 pm (in front of the girls who barely knew me and much to their horror) and then rushed downstairs for the event. Really not relaxing at all. Huhu.. It was quite stressful because I usually lie down and relaxed every time after an injection so the feeling was not the same.

The event lasted until 11.00 pm and by the time I hit the bed I was already zonked out from tiredness. I hope the upcoming business does not affect my treatment. I just wish that maybe a miracle would happen and money fall from the sky enabling me to quit my job and stay at home. I kind of feel not alltogether there yet with this new task at hand.

Anyway, I will have to go back to LPPKN on the 8th for my 2nd attempt at IUI and hopefully this time is the ONE. Pray for me ya.. ( ^_^ )

Appointment With Mr. Dildocam..

I went to my appointment with Mr. Dildocam today. Okay, actually it's just an ultrasound appointment. After the 3 injections of Gonal-F, my doctor needed to see how much and how big the eggs had grown with the help of the hormonal medicine. This time around my dear husband wasn't able to accompany me like he always does because there's a Telekom guy coming to set up the new UNIFI at our home. So, he sent me to a train station and I went to the clinic by LRT.

My appointment was scheduled at 9.00 am and I arrived at 9.00 am on the dot. Of course the waiting area was already packed with couples and I had to wait for some time until my name was called out. Prior to ultrasound, patients are told to go to the loo and pee first and the same goes for me. 

An ultrasound routine basically is just the doctor inserting a camera through the patient's vijayjay down there and scan the uterus and ovary to look at the condition inside and also take note of the egg's sizes and amount. I guess Gonal-F agrees with me because my doctor showed me that there was only one small one on the left. There were 6 eggs on my right ovary growing healthily and with acceptable sizes. There was two that exceeds my doctors expectation which grew to 18mm.

After the ultrasound cam had been removed and it was consultation time, my doctor advised me to take another shot that night and come back the next day for another ultrasound. It was a tight schedule because the IUI procedure had to be done on Friday since the clinic is closed on Saturdays. So I was prescribed two boxes of 75IU Gonal-F to be injected at that night. Well, let's see what happens on the next ultrasound. Lots of prayers! 

Gonal-F Self Injection. Oh! What A Joy!!

Everybody knows I am a big wimp when it comes to pain. Everybody also knows that I am a bigger wimp when it comes to needles! So getting those hormonal jabs each cycle are always painful and dreadful to me. When my doctor changed my medicine for this treatment cycle to Gonal-F I thought nothing of it and presumed that the procedure of self-injection would be the same.

Gonal-F is actually a synthetic hormonal injection whereas the ones I was prescribed before this (Menonys and Menopur) were natural based hormonal injections. Upon receiving the boxes of Gonal-F, I was already psyching myself up to endure another round of painful jabs on the tummy. When the nurse showed me a sample of an opened box I saw that the big box contained a pen much alike those injection pens diabetic patients uses for their insulin injections. Then she showed me the sample of the smaller box which contained a syringe, a bottle of powdered medicine and two needles (one is VERY big and the other one small). She then showed me how to administer the injection, and I couldn't help but smile from ear to ear. The needles were very fine and short! Hurrah!! In my head I was already jumping up and down brimming with happinnes and high hopes that the short and fine needle would not hurt as much as the old conventional syringes I've encountered.

Using the pen is so simple. Since the pen is already preloaded with the medicine, all I had to do was attach the needle, twist the dosage indicator to the right amount of dosage needed, pull the end tab of the pen until there's a click sound and then I'm good to go. Here's how the box of Gonal-F injection pen looks like and how I prepared the set for my injecton:

My set of injectables - the preloaded pen and needle sets.

The pen uncapped.

Screwing on the needle set. Need two hands for this actually.

 

Twisting the twister mechanism at the back of the pen to the exact amount of dosage I need.

Pulling the tab to lock the dosage chosen. A click sound is heard indicating that the pen is locked and loaded.

 

Pulling off the needle set cap.

 Pulling off the needle cap.

The preloaded pen with very fine needle ready to be injected into my tummy.

Seeing that the needle was quite short and fine, I mustered up the courage to do the injection myself! All my injections were administered by my dear hubby before this. The Gonal-F pen surprisingly didn't hurt as much as the conventional syringes that I have encountered before. I was quite worried about the pain at first but just winged it and was pleasantly surprised that it didn't burn as much. The first time I used the pen, I fumbled a bit and was worried that I didn't push the end tab of the pen to the right amount. My worries were relieved when I did my second injection and found that the end of the pen stops at the same place when I first did the injection.

The dosage I needed was 150IU for each injection and the pen was preloaded with 375IU. So, for the third day, I had to do two injections - first with the pen with the remaining 75IU and the second injection with another set of Gonal-F with 75IU. The second set from the smaller box needed to be mixed first because this set was not a preloaded type of injection.

My set of extra 75IU Gonal F injection.

The syringe was already preloaded with solution. The nurse advised me to just use half of the solution because too much will probably make the injection a bit painful. The security cap had to be broken off so that the needle can be attached.

Preloaded solution inside the syringe.

The cap of the syringe broken off and ready for the needle to be attached.

The first needle needed was the long and thick needle. Thankfully this BIG needle is not for injection purposes! When the nurse showed me that needle I was already sweating buckets! Hehe.. The needle has to be inserted into the powdered medicine vial. After about half of the solution is injected into the vial, the rest of the solution on the syringe needs to be disposed and the empty syringe put aside capped, and the mixed medicine needs to be gently rolled in between my palm to mix them properly. The vial cannot be roughly handled because we do not want bubbles forming in the solution. The mixed medicine is now ready to be sucked back into the empty syringe gently (also to avoid bubbles).

Big needle. Yikes!

Breaking off the safety cap of the first needle.

Attaching the needle to the syringe.

Inserting the needle into the medicine vial.

Gently rolling the mixture.

Re-sucking the medicine into the syringe.

Attaching the injecting needle.

The needle uncapped.

The loaded syringe ready to be used.

Close up on the fine needle.

The injection with the separate set was also bearable and not as painful as I'd thought it would be. Since both types of Gonal-F agrees with me, I do hope the medicine injected helps make the eggs grow big and healthy. I am scheduled for an ultrasound on the 5th of April. If everything goes well, I will be scheduled for IUI on Thursday. Pray for me ya!
( ^_^ )

Too busy!! And 2nd attempt @ LPPKN

Hi dear readers. Remember my last post about my moving to a new office? Well, I went on the 22nd to report duty bearing a letter from my old office to postpone my working there for two weeks to settle my handover note and any pending tasks I have at the old office. Actually there's a big board meeting scheduled on the 30th so I was hoping to escape that. But not so lucky for me, the new office approved and so I had to trot back to my old office to settle the big impending meeting. Huhu.. had to prepare 15 papers including their supporting documents, plus 4 copies each of them too! Madness!!

Anyway, amongst the hectic mayhem I was in during my last hours at my comfortable office room, I sneaked a call to LPPKN to set an appointment to see my ol' doctor and the nurse slotted me in for the next morning.  My husband and I talked it out and we decided to give LPPKN another go with high hopes that things would be better for us this time around. So, when my hubby and I went to the appointment, the doctor re-reviewed my condition and past history of iui failure attempts. In the end, he advised us to try another round of IUI before moving up to IVF. I was put on clomid for a week and a change of hormonal medicine to Gonal-F. Folic acid is a must everyday.

Now Gonal-F is a follitropin alfa injection that provides the hormone (FSH) that helps the to produce eggs large healthy eggs. Uuu.. I feel like a chicken!  Unlike Menonys and Menopur which had to be mixed manually, Gonal-F comes in a preloaded and ready to use injection pen. My dosage per injection should be 150 IU that has to be administered in 3 days but the pen has 375 IU, so on the last day I have to do two injections which is one with the preloaded pen and another one via conventional method which is the mixing and injecting method. Quite dreading the 2 injection day.. huhu.. Well guys, wish me luck for this cycle ya. Till the next post! ( ^_^ )

Finally!

Hi everyone! I know some of you will think that I am finally pregnant by the topic of this post, but rest assured, I still am on trial and error phase. The topic relates to my attempts to get relocated from my current office and yes, FINALLY the Almighty Gracious God had blessed me the way out of my predicament.

I received a call yesterday from my HR department. Here's how the conversation goes:

Me: Hello, good afternoon. (I am so ever polite on the phone. hehe..)
HR Guy: Nekko!
Me: Yes, Mr. HR Guy!
HR Guy: 22nd!
Me: What about 22nd?
HR Guy: NON. (NON refers to new office's name)
Me: What about NON?
HR Guy: You must go there!
Me: Do I have a meeting there? A course?
HR Guy: No lahh.. you have to report duty there lah! haha!
Me: Are you serious?? Are you pulling my leg?! OMG! OMG!
HR Guy: I am serious. Your application for transfer has been approved and you have to report duty on that day.
Me: Okay. When do I get the letter?
HR Guy: Oh, the letter is in my boss' room. I'll tell you when you can come up and get it, okay?
Me: Sure. Thanks so much Mr HR Guy! Really appreciate it.
HR Guy: You are most welcome.

I was on cloud nine the rest of the afternoon smiling from ear to ear but not telling people what I am smiling about. I do hope this movement is not one of those 'out of a tiger's jaw and into the dragon's mouth' experiences which had happened a few times to me transferring from one office to another. Please do pray for me my dear readers. I hope I will finally get a good boss, a great working environment and job satisfaction. I will update what happens next after I have report duty on that date.

Till then, ola! ( ^_^ )

Other Options..

I have been putting off calling LPPKN for the past few months already. I cringe at the thought of calling them up every month maybe because I am a bit of a chicken not wanting to go through bouts of disappointment at the hands of my perfectionist-I-want-the-egg-size-to-be-21mm doctor there. I know that it is highly important to get help in this infertility matter because sometimes waiting it out would not bring any results especially in cases with endometriosis diagnosed and 1/3 of the left ovary is removed. But I just could not bring myself to call them up.

My sister is practically nagging me to pick up the phone and call every time Aunt Flo comes each month and I just procrastinate and procrastinate. I think it is high time for us to look at other options. I heard that HUKM do have a facility to treat infertility as well and it is still priced at government price like LPPKN. Going to private hospitals is also an option but can be costly. So, I think I will opt to try out HUKM for the time being.. Maybe next month.. We'll see.. Hope it will work out and I will get a not-so-perfectionist doctor this time.

Holiday Break!

Oh my dear, I have been complacent in updating this blog all thanks to my hectic 9-5 (which actually usually extends to more than that!) job which usually drains me out of energy by 6 pm! There has not been any exciting activities other than my usual havoc routine running around doing things (usually for laidback superiors!) at the office. This year there's a lot of public holidays that fall either on Tuesdays or Thursdays which leaves Mondays and Fridays temptingly open for me to apply for my annual leave.

I really look forward to the long holiday break during Chinese New Year which falls two days at the end of a working week. On that same week, there is also a Federal Day that falls on Tuesday. So that leaves only two working days for the whole week! Should I take both days off, I will get a whopping nine days off! Nine! C'mon people! Nine days!! I am SO taking those two days off! Hehe..That's is going to be a holiday break I need in a loooooong time. God knows I really need one. Maybe I can get some quality zzzzzzss somewhere during this long break.

Anyways, happy long weekend to everyone (especially those whose taking their 2 days off like me)! ( ^_^ )

Happy New Year!!

It has been a while since my last post and now suddenly a new year is creeping up upon us already! How the time flies without all of us realizing it especially when we are too busy with our fast paced life. Looking back at the recent year, I recall lots of ups and downs going through the whole fiasco of TTC. I guess maybe the new year will bring luck (I think I hoped for the same thing early last year too!) but I am not too hopeful this time around. What comes will come and we are going nowhere at the moment, so anything can happen or not happen.

For the new coming year, I hope everyone is blessed with happiness and prosperity. I also hope that everything goes well in the department of needles and pills for yours truly! (Actually I am hoping to not go through the whole process again! ( T.T ) Well, let's just go with the flow and wish for the best.

Here's wishing all of you a very happy new year and lots of baby dust to those in the same boat as me!

Have a great year guys! ( ^_^ )

Happy Anniversary to my hubby and me..

Happy 6th anniversary to my hubby and me! Oh my gosh, it has been six years already that we got hitched. Time do seem to fly away without us realizing it and now suddenly we are an old married couple (without kids!). Our plan of TTC is currently being put on hold is giving us another round of honeymooning days. Let's just hope it won't turn into honeymooning years again. Huhu..

Well, since we are on a break from LPPKN's treatment (illegally so since I didn't actually tell my doctor that I want to take a break from all the poking and needles), it gives us time to just relax and enjoy our singles-ness (I mean childless-ness).Yeah, right! As if the word 'relax' is a common word I get to use often especially so since I am doing triple the work at the office nowadays (my boss seems to find it funny to give me extra work while doing nothing herself) with the same pay. How I wish I could get a loooong break from work and concentrate on my well-being and our mission to get at least an heir to our not-so-much-richness. >.<

Anyways, here's looking forward to long years of being together with my dear hubby! Hope that our marriage will stand the trials and tribulation ahead (hope it is gonna be filled with lots of greens and a bouncing baby). ( ^.^ )

 For the past 6 years, my hubby deserves an 'A' for passing with flying colours! Hehe..

TTC Is No Fun and Games!

TTC is really not fun when you have a condition. And people around you seems to be getting preggies left and right does not make it any easier and elevates your stress level on the matter. Unsympathetic pretentious people and those who doesn't understand because they are blessed with good health and can easily conceive makes it even worse for people like me. Sometimes I wonder is this trial a blessing in disguise?

Plan to Be Stressfree Goes Kaboom!

Oh my! What a hectic week I've been having. Working at my office is really not fun at all and makes one feel really unappreciated and sometimes like a black sheep. As usual, there's bias-ness everywhere and I happen to be the person that people like to be biased against. Why? I am not sure  but I do know that I don't suck up to people. Maybe that's the problem?

As of lately, I have been scrutinizing on how my working field ticks. And the big picture of it all is veeerryyyy ugly! I am not liking what I see and really hate what it has become. Almost everywhere I go there's somebody who likes to suck up to the bosses, back stab others, doesn't share knowledge or teach others to become more competent in their work and announce to the world that he/she is the only one doing all the job (whereas he/she doesn't want to guide a new colleague in the first place anyway).

So, my plan to have the rest of the year stress-free and more relaxed especially from TTC and LPPKN seems to go kaboom! I don't get to be stress-free, I am always in a hurry to get my job done, I have to run errands to and fro for almost everyone and I don't get enough rest everyday. I can actually feel the stress level is hiking up just like in the Miss Management game I played a couple of years ago.

Wouldn't it be nice if money could fall off from the sky and make me a billionaire? I could quit my job, have a nice loooooon vacation and then settle down doing something I love.

My motto song as of now is 'I want to be a billionaire' with high hopes that money could fall from the sky. Heh heh..

Game Plan..

Raya Festive Season is coming to an end. It means that my LPPKN treatment is commencing once more. As usual, at the first sign of monthly Aunt Flo, I am supposed to call LPPKN to get an appointment to see my doctor. But seeing that there's too much going on currently with my sister being in confinement, my mother trying to help my sister in confinement, four little tyrants shouting, crying and screeching all at once plus a small baby on the side, we had been running to and fro giving our hand in helping as best we could. I'm not complaining but it is quite tiring with having to go to the office, run errands during lunch time and after office hours.

So, after we talked it over, we decided that we need to take a breather from treatment for this year. We practically kept on being postponed all year long anyways so we might as well be postponed without being told to. Seeing that it is near the end of the year, we might as well wait for next year to continue with all the jabbing, prodding, hoping and being disappointed again. So, that's our current game plan.. Let's hope for the best! \( ^_ ^ )/