3rd attempt..

Today was another start for a new cycle. I actually have mixed feelings about going through treatment this time. I am emotionally and physically tired of all the needles, the looks my office mates and bosses give me when I tell them I'm going yet for another treatment session.. I just wish I could have a long break so I can concentrate on my well-being. But if I do that then who's going to take up all my bills? *Sigh*

So here goes another painful and tiring cycle again. This time the doctor changed my hormone medicine from Menonys to Menopur. The dosage is still the same. I'm scheduled to start taking Clomid today and start the injections tomorrow. I hope the needle they gave me is not as bad as the ones from the 2nd cycle (which hurts so bad!!). Ultrasound scanning is scheduled to be on the 6th next week.

Please God give me strength..

IUI.. Second Attempt..

My first attempt of TTC via IUI didn't work out so my husband and I went for another round of treatment cycle at LPPKN. This time my doctor gave me a higher dosage of hormone medicine to make the eggs grow faster (time is ticking!). After the third injection, we went for an ultrasound scan and my doctor told me the growth is still unsatisfactory, PLUS if we were to go for IUI, the dates were all wrong since I was supposed to be scheduled for IUI on Friday but Friday is a public holiday. Huh! Go figure.. Actually the nurse that booked me my appointment did a boo boo since she booked me 3 days later (was supposed to be the next day of the first day of my menses). So the doctor advised us to abort our second mission of IUI and try the natural way to conceive.

AF did actually came late this month and I was feeling quite happy and hopeful. I did a Home Pregnancy Test (HPT) on the 13th of June and got a faint line. I was so excited and did another one later in the afternoon. I broke the news to my husband (who was in Johor at that time) and he was quite happy. On the 15th we went for a Urine Pregnancy Test (UPT) at LPPKN and the result came in with a faint trace of pregnancy hormone. My doctor told me it's not a sign to jump for joy yet since it's just a faint sign. We just have to treat it as an early sign of pregnancy and I have to be really careful not to exert myself. We were scheduled for a second UPT on the 25th. We did all we can to be extra careful and I tried my best no to feel too stressful with my job and the fact that my application for study leave was revoked in an inhumanely kind of way.

On the 20th I did another HPT and the result came as negative! I panicked BIGTIME! We went and bought Clearblue and I did the test on 23rd. The result was positive. I never get a positive sign before using Clearblue and I felt happy and hopeful again.

 The positive result on Clearblue HPT

So on the 25th we went for our second UPT (me with high hopes chiming in my head and heart). When the doctor told us that the result was negative the news came crashing down on me like a big explosion. I was in total denial so I showed the doctor the picture that I took of my positive result on the Clearblue HPT stick. The doctor told me that the colour of the line is very faint so it might be a false positive. He told us to go back and just wait for my menses to come and then call in for another appointment.

We went home and I was totally depressed, and I felt helpless and hopeless. I was still thinking pregnant, pregnant, pregnant! I wanted it to be true so much that it really hurts. Unfortunately for me, that evening my menses did came just like what the doctor expected. I cried and cried and cried and still haven't come to terms about the loss until this moment.

For couples who are blessed to be able to conceive naturally and early in their marriage life is deemed as lucky in my eyes. As for me, this journey of trying to conceive is emotionally straining, mentally and physically tiring. No matter how I look at it, the negative results are pulling me down and piling depression unto me. I just wish that I could have a break from work so that I can concentrate on my treatment and mental well being for the moment. And the people surrounding me doesn't seem to understand the trying ordeal I am going through..

Well.. the cycle begins all over again for us.. please pray for us.. please.. please..

Trying To Conceive.. The Waiting Game.. Again!

I had undergone my laparotomy to get my endometriosis cyst removed in early June 2009. The operation was a success and I had to go through a pre-menopause treatment for six months which supposedly aimed to kill the cyst cells in hopes that they don't come back.

Early this year (2010) I resumed my treatment at LPPKN but I actually had to go through the tests all over again (hence the blood test, the painful HSG scan, the waiting). I did all that and my doctor started me on my second treatment for IUI. I was given three syringes with instructions on how to mix the medicine and then inject myself with the needle. I didn't have the courage to do it myself since I am soooo afraid of needles so my husband did the injecting. The pain is quite bad when the medicine is seeping in. After a  few days and 3 injections later, we went for another ultrasound scan. Unfortunately my doctor told me the size of my ovum wasn't satisfactory (meaning it wasn't fat and plump like he wants it to be) so he told me to take another two hormone injections and come for another ultrasound a day after the last injection. We did just that and he gave us Pregnyl (an injection-type medicine to release the ovums from the tubes). A day after that, we did the IUI procedure and continued on the excrutiating Two Weeks Wait (TTW).

I didn't actually get through the TWW since Aunt Flo came on the 13th of May. The pain and disappointment overwhelmed me but I had to deal with it since it wasn't meant to be at first try. So the cycle begins all over again..