IUI.. Second Attempt..

My first attempt of TTC via IUI didn't work out so my husband and I went for another round of treatment cycle at LPPKN. This time my doctor gave me a higher dosage of hormone medicine to make the eggs grow faster (time is ticking!). After the third injection, we went for an ultrasound scan and my doctor told me the growth is still unsatisfactory, PLUS if we were to go for IUI, the dates were all wrong since I was supposed to be scheduled for IUI on Friday but Friday is a public holiday. Huh! Go figure.. Actually the nurse that booked me my appointment did a boo boo since she booked me 3 days later (was supposed to be the next day of the first day of my menses). So the doctor advised us to abort our second mission of IUI and try the natural way to conceive.

AF did actually came late this month and I was feeling quite happy and hopeful. I did a Home Pregnancy Test (HPT) on the 13th of June and got a faint line. I was so excited and did another one later in the afternoon. I broke the news to my husband (who was in Johor at that time) and he was quite happy. On the 15th we went for a Urine Pregnancy Test (UPT) at LPPKN and the result came in with a faint trace of pregnancy hormone. My doctor told me it's not a sign to jump for joy yet since it's just a faint sign. We just have to treat it as an early sign of pregnancy and I have to be really careful not to exert myself. We were scheduled for a second UPT on the 25th. We did all we can to be extra careful and I tried my best no to feel too stressful with my job and the fact that my application for study leave was revoked in an inhumanely kind of way.

On the 20th I did another HPT and the result came as negative! I panicked BIGTIME! We went and bought Clearblue and I did the test on 23rd. The result was positive. I never get a positive sign before using Clearblue and I felt happy and hopeful again.

 The positive result on Clearblue HPT

So on the 25th we went for our second UPT (me with high hopes chiming in my head and heart). When the doctor told us that the result was negative the news came crashing down on me like a big explosion. I was in total denial so I showed the doctor the picture that I took of my positive result on the Clearblue HPT stick. The doctor told me that the colour of the line is very faint so it might be a false positive. He told us to go back and just wait for my menses to come and then call in for another appointment.

We went home and I was totally depressed, and I felt helpless and hopeless. I was still thinking pregnant, pregnant, pregnant! I wanted it to be true so much that it really hurts. Unfortunately for me, that evening my menses did came just like what the doctor expected. I cried and cried and cried and still haven't come to terms about the loss until this moment.

For couples who are blessed to be able to conceive naturally and early in their marriage life is deemed as lucky in my eyes. As for me, this journey of trying to conceive is emotionally straining, mentally and physically tiring. No matter how I look at it, the negative results are pulling me down and piling depression unto me. I just wish that I could have a break from work so that I can concentrate on my treatment and mental well being for the moment. And the people surrounding me doesn't seem to understand the trying ordeal I am going through..

Well.. the cycle begins all over again for us.. please pray for us.. please.. please..