A New Cycle Put On Hold.. Waiting Game, Here We Go Again!

I think it's official that my 2nd IUI was not successful, since the last glimmer of hope has already sunk with the steady flow of non-stopping blood. After I had pulled all the misery I am feeling currently into a corner of my brain, I called LPPKN past 2.30 pm as usual (because they will not give you an appointment if you call before the assigned time). The nurse told me that she will call me back to confirm my appointment and so I waited. After about 30 minutes later, she did call me back but to bring bad news that the doctor's appointment is already full for tomorrow, so I have to wait for another month to see my doctor. That means, I have to wait for another AF cycle then I will only be able to call LPPKN to get an appointment, but that is also subject to the clinic's availability for that month. Now, do you still wonder why I get so stressful and depressed about this whole infertility business? It seems like the waiting game gets to be played more than the actual treatment itself. Anyway, I am currently walking around with gloomy cloud over my head and have no desire to interact with the people around me for the time being. I just want to be left alone, not go to work and just stay in bed.. Woe becomes me.. ( T T )

17 days past IUI..

It has been 17 days past my IUI procedure and 2 days past since I started spotting and bleeding.. Today the bleeding seem to get heavier and steadier. Even though deep in my heart I am still hoping that this is not my monthly AF, but I guess the evidence tells otherwise. Apart from the weird flow of blood, I also has lost the soreness in my BBs and the cramping also has been almost nonexistence. I am crushed and down in the dumps.. Now I have to prepare myself for another round of trial and tribulation of IVF as the next step. Why is it so hard to get a baby? ( T T )

15 days past IUI..

It has been 15 days past my IUI procedure. I am now very worried because since last night some bleeding had occurred at around 7 pm. I tried to stay calm and just go about my daily routine but the fact that I bled is nagging in my head. I went to bed and woke up today and was relieved that there was no spotting. I went about my daily morning routine of ironing my work clothes and stepped into the bathroom to shower and found that there was some bleeding! Aaaaaa! I am panicking BIG TIME!

After trying to psych myself (without any success) I got ready for work with protection that women uses monthly just in case the ugly AF decided to show up (and dreading it all the way). I haven't missed taking my daily dosage of Folic Acid and my Duphaston at 8.00 am and 8.00 pm everyday (with occasional time lapse now and then that is, but still diligently everyday).

At about 9.30 am here at the office, I went to the loo and found that there was no spotting but only a little bit of a pinkish stain. I am now a bit confused and scared. Is it implantation spotting or is it the early signs of AF showing up? I called up my sister and she told me to take it easy, breathe and not to stress myself out (a hard thing to do in my case). She told me that when she had her first baby, she did bleed also but in a red jelly-like form. That had got me worried to because my bleeding is not jelly-like. It's like the early arrival of AF or the end of it. I really really really hope that this is not the case of AF for me. ( T T )

Up until today my cramping has lessened and the soreness in my BBs are still there but not quite as strong as the first week post IUI. I don't feel as bloated as the first week as well. Apart from occasional headaches and the spotting, I really feel fine. I do hope that the lack of symptoms does not lead to bad news for me. Please pray for me to get a BFP this time..

14 days past IUI..

It has been 14 days past my IUI procedure. I am now in my 2nd week of the dreaded 2 Weeks Waiting period. For the 1st week, I had experienced some mild cramping and sore BBs. This week it has been almost the same but I felt the cramping is intermittent and the soreness has lessened. Now this got me really worried because from what I've read, most women with cramping and sore BBs usually end up with big fat positive signs when they do their HPT. Lately, however, I did experience tiredness, felt slightly bloated and had a slight back pain. I am getting most of the usual symptoms when I am near the time AF comes but I hope these are all the signs that lead to a BFP this time!

The pull to do the HPT is VERY strong! I practically have to tell myself over and over again that it's too early. I hope my will power will prevail and help me not get sucked into the pee-on-a-stick rampage!

Anyway, baby dust, please come my way! ( ^-^ )

IUI Day!!

I woke up today a little bit late since I slept late last night. The prospect of my IUI procedure was hanging on my back as my dear husband and I was rushing to get ready and perform my prayers. We drove to LPPKN and stopped by a McDonald's drive-through for our breakfast on the go and ate in the car while we were stuck inside traffic. We arrived at LPPKN at 8.00 am, 30 minutes late than scheduled. Luckily the nurse at the counter was in a good mood and did not scold me or anything. I took my Duphaston while we were waiting and made a mental note not to forget this time.

My hubby and I waited for a while and then heard his name called. We were told to go up to level 7 for my hubby to produce his swimmers to be processed by the lab. After that was done, we were told to go back to level 6 for payment and then proceed back to level 7 to wait for the IUI procedure. We waited quite some time at level 6 but my name was not called. The clock was already ticking and I was getting worried. In the end I went to the nurse counter and asked about the bill. She then passed me the bill and told me to go to the payment counter. Duh!! I could have cut the waiting time shorter if only I'd asked earlier rather than waited. Huhu..

After the payment was made, we made our way back to level 7 and waited for my name to be called out. My husband was already nodding off because he stayed up late the other night doing his assignment. When my name was called, I went into the operation room and was told to lie down on my back on one of the curtained beds. Now, I have a very low pain threshold and am dreading the speculum they are going to use. I even asked the nurse whether I can be drugged so that I would not feel the pain when the speculum is inserted but she just laughed and said that I need to relax and not fight the thingamajig.. 

As I laid on the bed with my legs propped up my panic kind of build up and I was already trying to subdue my trembling. By the time the doctor came I was on the verge of a panic attack and I told my doctor about my panic state. He calmed me down and told me to take deep breaths and breath slowly. Two nurses stood by each bedside and coached me to calm down throughout the whole process. My doctor then proceeded to clean my vijayjay with warm water and then placed the speculum slowly. Surprisingly it didn't hurt as much as I anticipated but once he started to open the mouth of the speculum wide and screwing the tool to lock it in place, I started to feel pain. When the nice nurse on my right side recited my name and identification number for confirmation I was already not focusing because I was concentrating hard not to clench my muscle down there. But I did catch a glimpse of my name and confirmed. My doctor asked me to confirm my name and I hurriedly confirmed that the specimen in the small tube the nurse is holding is my husband's and my name is there on the tube.

Then the doctor proceeded to inject the sperm using a small catheter and then loosened up the speculum. The pain I felt subsided as the screw was loosened up and the speculum withdrawn out. Then my doctor told me to keep my legs bent up and lie down for 20-30 minutes. Luckily I brought a book with me this time to pass the time away. After the whole procedure and waiting is over, I was given an MC and was told to relax and try to not stress myself out. If everything goes well and Aunt Flo does not come knocking at my door this month, I am scheduled to go for a Urine Pregnancy Test on the 3rd of May.

I hope this time everything do go well and I can break great news at last to everyone for the first time. Lots of baby dust for me pretty please. Now I am embarking on the journey of the 2 weeks wait which is excrutiating on the nerves. Do pray for me ya! ( ^_^ )

Busy Day Plus Appointment With Mr Dildocam again..

I haven't told all of you what my new office assigned me to do and it's a shocker for me. I have to be in charge of events. What?? I am so not an event in charge person and the most not outspoken person on the planet. I was supposed to be involved with human resource but somehow the person that was supposed to be saddled with the events thingie talked to management and managed to wiggle out of that predicament. Everybody know that being in charge of events for an organization is super duper busy. I was hoping to be placed at a more relaxed place but I guess that didn't happen. I am hoping I would get my due promotion this year and can move on to other division and get my butt out of the event mess.

Well, even though I am a newbie in this event handling unit, there's an event scheduled on the 6th, which happened to be the day that I have my second appointment with Mr. Dildocam at 3.00 pm. I was supposed to be at the hotel where they are holding the event at 3.00 pm to oversee the preparation. I told my supervisor about my appointment and she was fine with me being a little late since I had no clue on what to do anyway at the hotel.

So, at 3.00 pm I was already at LPPKN getting my eggs scanned. My doctor was quite happy with the progress and the two big eggs had grown from 18mm to 20mm and the other small sized eggs were also growing 1mm to 2mm bigger. My doctor told that the sizes are very ideal and we need to carry out the IUI on Friday. So on that night, I had to inject myself with Pregnyl at 8.00 pm. I was thinking to myself, 'Oh no! The event starts at 8.00 pm!'.

My hubby then drove me to the hotel and left me there to finish my job for the day. I went and tried my best to observe and oversee what I could with the help of some subordinates, my supervisor and also some colleagues with the table tagging, guest list and arrangement. When all that was done, I went up to a shared hotel room and got ready. After my evening prayers, I injected myself with Pregnyl at 7.55 pm (in front of the girls who barely knew me and much to their horror) and then rushed downstairs for the event. Really not relaxing at all. Huhu.. It was quite stressful because I usually lie down and relaxed every time after an injection so the feeling was not the same.

The event lasted until 11.00 pm and by the time I hit the bed I was already zonked out from tiredness. I hope the upcoming business does not affect my treatment. I just wish that maybe a miracle would happen and money fall from the sky enabling me to quit my job and stay at home. I kind of feel not alltogether there yet with this new task at hand.

Anyway, I will have to go back to LPPKN on the 8th for my 2nd attempt at IUI and hopefully this time is the ONE. Pray for me ya.. ( ^_^ )

Appointment With Mr. Dildocam..

I went to my appointment with Mr. Dildocam today. Okay, actually it's just an ultrasound appointment. After the 3 injections of Gonal-F, my doctor needed to see how much and how big the eggs had grown with the help of the hormonal medicine. This time around my dear husband wasn't able to accompany me like he always does because there's a Telekom guy coming to set up the new UNIFI at our home. So, he sent me to a train station and I went to the clinic by LRT.

My appointment was scheduled at 9.00 am and I arrived at 9.00 am on the dot. Of course the waiting area was already packed with couples and I had to wait for some time until my name was called out. Prior to ultrasound, patients are told to go to the loo and pee first and the same goes for me. 

An ultrasound routine basically is just the doctor inserting a camera through the patient's vijayjay down there and scan the uterus and ovary to look at the condition inside and also take note of the egg's sizes and amount. I guess Gonal-F agrees with me because my doctor showed me that there was only one small one on the left. There were 6 eggs on my right ovary growing healthily and with acceptable sizes. There was two that exceeds my doctors expectation which grew to 18mm.

After the ultrasound cam had been removed and it was consultation time, my doctor advised me to take another shot that night and come back the next day for another ultrasound. It was a tight schedule because the IUI procedure had to be done on Friday since the clinic is closed on Saturdays. So I was prescribed two boxes of 75IU Gonal-F to be injected at that night. Well, let's see what happens on the next ultrasound. Lots of prayers! 

Gonal-F Self Injection. Oh! What A Joy!!

Everybody knows I am a big wimp when it comes to pain. Everybody also knows that I am a bigger wimp when it comes to needles! So getting those hormonal jabs each cycle are always painful and dreadful to me. When my doctor changed my medicine for this treatment cycle to Gonal-F I thought nothing of it and presumed that the procedure of self-injection would be the same.

Gonal-F is actually a synthetic hormonal injection whereas the ones I was prescribed before this (Menonys and Menopur) were natural based hormonal injections. Upon receiving the boxes of Gonal-F, I was already psyching myself up to endure another round of painful jabs on the tummy. When the nurse showed me a sample of an opened box I saw that the big box contained a pen much alike those injection pens diabetic patients uses for their insulin injections. Then she showed me the sample of the smaller box which contained a syringe, a bottle of powdered medicine and two needles (one is VERY big and the other one small). She then showed me how to administer the injection, and I couldn't help but smile from ear to ear. The needles were very fine and short! Hurrah!! In my head I was already jumping up and down brimming with happinnes and high hopes that the short and fine needle would not hurt as much as the old conventional syringes I've encountered.

Using the pen is so simple. Since the pen is already preloaded with the medicine, all I had to do was attach the needle, twist the dosage indicator to the right amount of dosage needed, pull the end tab of the pen until there's a click sound and then I'm good to go. Here's how the box of Gonal-F injection pen looks like and how I prepared the set for my injecton:

My set of injectables - the preloaded pen and needle sets.

The pen uncapped.

Screwing on the needle set. Need two hands for this actually.

 

Twisting the twister mechanism at the back of the pen to the exact amount of dosage I need.

Pulling the tab to lock the dosage chosen. A click sound is heard indicating that the pen is locked and loaded.

 

Pulling off the needle set cap.

 Pulling off the needle cap.

The preloaded pen with very fine needle ready to be injected into my tummy.

Seeing that the needle was quite short and fine, I mustered up the courage to do the injection myself! All my injections were administered by my dear hubby before this. The Gonal-F pen surprisingly didn't hurt as much as the conventional syringes that I have encountered before. I was quite worried about the pain at first but just winged it and was pleasantly surprised that it didn't burn as much. The first time I used the pen, I fumbled a bit and was worried that I didn't push the end tab of the pen to the right amount. My worries were relieved when I did my second injection and found that the end of the pen stops at the same place when I first did the injection.

The dosage I needed was 150IU for each injection and the pen was preloaded with 375IU. So, for the third day, I had to do two injections - first with the pen with the remaining 75IU and the second injection with another set of Gonal-F with 75IU. The second set from the smaller box needed to be mixed first because this set was not a preloaded type of injection.

My set of extra 75IU Gonal F injection.

The syringe was already preloaded with solution. The nurse advised me to just use half of the solution because too much will probably make the injection a bit painful. The security cap had to be broken off so that the needle can be attached.

Preloaded solution inside the syringe.

The cap of the syringe broken off and ready for the needle to be attached.

The first needle needed was the long and thick needle. Thankfully this BIG needle is not for injection purposes! When the nurse showed me that needle I was already sweating buckets! Hehe.. The needle has to be inserted into the powdered medicine vial. After about half of the solution is injected into the vial, the rest of the solution on the syringe needs to be disposed and the empty syringe put aside capped, and the mixed medicine needs to be gently rolled in between my palm to mix them properly. The vial cannot be roughly handled because we do not want bubbles forming in the solution. The mixed medicine is now ready to be sucked back into the empty syringe gently (also to avoid bubbles).

Big needle. Yikes!

Breaking off the safety cap of the first needle.

Attaching the needle to the syringe.

Inserting the needle into the medicine vial.

Gently rolling the mixture.

Re-sucking the medicine into the syringe.

Attaching the injecting needle.

The needle uncapped.

The loaded syringe ready to be used.

Close up on the fine needle.

The injection with the separate set was also bearable and not as painful as I'd thought it would be. Since both types of Gonal-F agrees with me, I do hope the medicine injected helps make the eggs grow big and healthy. I am scheduled for an ultrasound on the 5th of April. If everything goes well, I will be scheduled for IUI on Thursday. Pray for me ya!
( ^_^ )