Al-Fatihah...

Today seems to be a very gloomy day to me. The sun is shining brightly but there's a cloud hanging over my heart. I just lost a friend that I knew since 2007. She died today after battling out serious complications due to giving birth to her second child. She was hemorrhaging blood due to uterus tear, part of her intestine had to be removed because of gangrene and her kidney could not function due to loss of too much blood. The saddest part is that not many could donate blood to help increase her blood count because her blood type was B-, which is quite rare in Asia. The only donors that could donate are B- or O- which are also rare in Asia. The news of her being sick was posted on Facebook and everyone of us who knew Arwah started to get worried and prayed hard for her condition to turn for the better. Some even took the earliest flight to Kelantan just to help out what they can. But, Allah SWT loved her even more. Our beloved friend, Noria, a very cheerful, big hearted and pure hearted person, returned to Allah SWT early this morning. May Allah SWT bless Arwah's soul and place her in Jannah.. Amin.. Al-Fatihah..

3rd Trimester ~ Why Are You Rubbing My Tummy? ~

Hi peeps! I am now in my third trimester and I feel HUGE! My tummy is getting really big and I cannot see my toes anymore. Well, at least I think my tummy is big but other people seem to comment that my tummy is small at this stage of pregnancy. I don't really care if my tummy is big or small as long as the baby is healthy. 

At this stage of pregnancy, I do notice that people (those I know and strangers alike) seems to like to come up to me and touch my preggy belly. Family members, I don't really mind but strangers doing that is kind of weird. I know they mean well but this belly touching situation is kind of uncomfortable and awkward.

I've been on the net and stumbled upon a few forums discussing this particular funny but embarrassing topic among mothers to be. One solution did caught my eyes which a lady suggested that whenever a somebody stops by and decided to feel your protruding belly, maybe you can do the same to her (put your hand on her belly in return). If she asks you, "Why are you rubbing my tummy?", you can just answer, "I don't know, you started this." Hehehe! I can just imagine the confused look on those poor people who got themselves into that situation.

Anyway, I hope everything goes well at this stage of my pregnancy and the baby will arrive healthy and happy. Do pray for me, dear readers. Till the next update! ( ^_^ )

Baby Fair!!

It's baby fair at Mid Valley time! Even though my shopping mood hasn't fully kicked in yet, since it's already November, my dear husband and I decided to go to the end-of-year Baby Fair at Mid Valley to get some baby's stuff because we hadn't done any shopping at all for the baby. On top of our list were stroller and baby car seat, breastpump, bottles, baby grooming and medicine set and some baby clothes. Oh, and toys if they are reasonably priced.

We went there after my monthly checkup with Dr. S at Tawakal last Saturday. We told her that we are going the baby fair and she told us (told me actually, hehe..) not to go on a crazy shopping spree. ;p Parking at Mid Valley was a hassle as always and even more so since there's a fair. Parents to be and parents with babies are everywhere all aiming to go to the fair to get bargains on things they need for their children. We stopped at the food court to get our lunch and trying to get a seat was almost impossible. That's how packed the place was!

Anyway, upon entering the Exhibition Centre, we registered at the registration counter and received a bag with some samples and coupons in them (Actually it was just a small bottle of cleanser, a small tube of children's toothpaste and a sachet of stretch mark cream). We proceeded to go to the booths feeling a little bit lost, walking around with no purpose since this was our first time at a baby fair shopping for ourselves. In the end my dear husband said, "Let's just go and find the main stuff first i.e the stroller and the breastpump." I agreed bigtime since the hustle and bustle of people kind of starting to get to me.

We then went into the main hall and I spotted Medela's big yellow and white sign. I pointed the sign to my hubby and he jostled our way around to the booth. At the booth, the promoter laid out Medela's best seller pumps for customers to try out. I enquired about the Freestyle pump since I was aiming to get that (luckily I had been saving up to get the pump! huhu..) and got a full explanation about the product. The promoter let me tried the pump on my arm and I got to tinkle about with the motor too. It was not that loud as some people described on the Internet so I decided to purchase the set since there was a promotional package for breastpumps. For the Freestyle pump, I got a lower price than the retailing price and also received a free infra-red thermometer and a swaddle blanket for the baby. I also did some impulse purchase of Zaky's hand which was on sale for buy-one-get-two.

We were aiming to get some bottles for the baby and I was quite set on getting the Avent Newborn Starter Kit since it seems to have all the essentials for newbie parents like us. Plus, buying the starter pack eliminates the need for us to crack our brains on what type and size of bottles to buy. The Avent booth was packed with people grabbing all kinds of things off the rack. When I checked the prices, they were not that very cheap and just the same as any departmental stores' sale price. We were quite perplexed as of why are these people mobbing the booth like there was no tomorrow? In the end, we managed to squeeze in and get the newborn set, a milk warmer and a couple of replacement teats for the baby's bottle.

Then, we went around looking at strollers and baby car seats, hoping to get a good set at a good price (really aiming for a cheap but a good one actually). Our main concern is the compactability of the stroller and  the handling. Our car is not the biggest car in the world so how the stroller folds is a very important factor. We went to the SweetCherry booth and saw that there were not many good strollers left since parents are picking them up like hot cakes. There was a stroller that caught our eyes but when the promoter demonstrated on folding and handling the stroller, I kind of noticed that it wasn't that compact when folded and might not fit into our car boot. We then went around to the McLaren and Quinny booth and looked around. My hubby didn't really like the McLaren strollers since all the models are more suited for toddlers rather than newborns. The Quinny strollers however were quite interesting and looked compact enough for our cute beloved little MyVi. We really liked the Buzz but the price was too much so in the end we got the Zapp set since the price was quite reasonable and we got some freebies with our purchase. Freebies are VERY important and in that situation it gave me a sense of getting more for my purchase as my credit card was being swiped! Hehe..

Walking around the booths, we passed by a Pillopet booth displaying arrays of cute little fluffy animal pillows. Ooooh I just had to get one sheep pillow because it was soooo cute! My dear hubby was shaking his head at me but it was too cute to pass. In the end my hubby humoured me and let me get one cute little sheep pillow. ( ^_^ ) I was also planning to get some breastfeeding bras and clothes since I would have to get back to work after my maternity leave and am hoping to pump milk for the tiny munchkin at the office but there was only a few booths selling clothes and the price was quite ridiculously expensive. There was only one booth selling nursing/maternity clothes and inner wear at a somewhat reasonable prices but the place was packed and the items to be purchased are either sold out or out of size. So, in the end we didn't buy any clothes at all. Baby clothes were also quite scarce at the fair. Only a few booths are selling them and the sizes all seem to be not right. They are either too small of too big even though the tags all said 'newborn'. It was quite weird. We decided to just get our baby's clothes at Jusco later to be safe.

So, in the end we spent about 6 hours at the baby fair. Our feet ached and our back hurt but the deed needed to be done. We loaded up our oodles of purchases onto the stroller and my dear hubby was the one doing the pushing. He told me the stroller handled really well with all the weight of our stuff. We didn't get all the things we listed on our shopping list but most of them can be crossed off. Now we only have to worry about the small things like baby clothes, blankies, grooming and medicine set, toiletries and the lot. I hope we do get everything in time since the clock is ticking and my time to shop is diminishing.

Till the next post peeps! Lots of baby dust to hopeful mothers to be out there! ( ^_^ )

2nd Trimester ~ Eating For Two? ~

Most people would say that when a woman is pregnant, she is eating for two. Well, in my case, it's not entirely true. My daily portion of meals are still the same as before I was pregnant. During my first trimester, my weight actually fluctuates and I lost about 3-5 kgs during the fasting month. My weight only started to increase bit by bit in my second trimester but still it fluctuates up and down. I guess it's because I cannot eat large meals in one seating but had to eat small portions and should repeat when I get hungry again (which I rarely do since I would only eat 3 meals a day and then not repeat my meals -- too lazy to do so!).

I am so relieved that my first trimester had gone by safely and now I am not so prone to be sick all day and night anymore. The sickness is still there but only occasionally. It's now either morning, during the day or at night. As my bout of nauseousness has lessened, my appetite to eat has increased a little bit. As my tummy continues to grow bit by bit everyday, my normal daily routine and favourite pastime of shopping continues to decrease.

Since I suddenly have lost all lovey-dovey feeling of going to the shopping mall, the feeling for eating out also had mysteriously disappeared. We actually can count with one hand how many times we go out and eat our dinner especially on weekdays. For lunch hour I had no choice but to eat out at Alamanda with my elder sister since there's no other options available (if she does not have any meetings, that is). The cafeteria at my office kind of sucks, so I rarely buy food there unless most necessary.

My choice of menu had also somewhat decreased. Now I am not very keen to eat chicken but beef is all right as long as it is cooked right and does not have that beefy smell. For some reason, I seem to crave for my mom's cooking. The ultimate dish that I can eat without any side effects when eaten with rice is my mom's sambal ikan bilis tumbuk (crushed anchovies cooked to crispy perfection with chilies and spices, yum!). I am always happy to have that and a piece of bergedel. Prawns are also top on my list but I know that preggies should not eat too much seafood, right?

Remember that I mentioned earlier that my sweet tooth had suddenly gone? I think it's due to the thought of getting diabetes during my pregnancy somehow scared me into not taking sugar like before (plus the thought of going through that sugar-paste-glucose-test! Eeeww!). But I do have a craving for pavlova that mush be cooked by my sister and she's going to bake one for me. Thinking about the crispy and gooey meringue topped with whipped cream and strawberries makes my mouth water. Yummy!

Cravings and all included, so far my portion of meals are still the same as ever. So the term 'eating-for-two' is so not for me. But who knows, I might end up with a larger appetite for food once all traces of morning/afternoon/evening sickness is gone and my weight might play catch up then. Whatever happens, I pray to Almighty Allah SWT for good health and I hope the baby is getting all the nutrients it should.

2011 Raya ~ Just The Two Of Us ~

Being a newbie pregnant mommy, I was quite excited to celebrate Raya this year. Since my tummy has grown a bit but not that protruding and obvious yet, I could still fit into most of my clothes. The problem is my bout of all-day-sickness has not gone away and I prefer to wear loose clothing. So I was aiming to get a 'jubah' as my Raya outfit this year. The hunt begins, but up till the last day of fasting day, I was not able to find a suitable 'jubah' to my liking. I was not my usual shopaholic self during my first trimester. I actually hated anything associated with shopping, even online shopping! My dear husband was quite happy with the sudden change since it saved lots of my hard earned salary every month!

Apart from going for my checkups at the nearby Government Clinic, I also visit my doctor at Tawakal Hospital for my monthly checkups. My dear husband and I discussed about where to deliver our baby and we decided that we would try to deliver in Tawakal Hospital since my doctor there knows my medical history (she was the one who operated me for my endometriosis in 2009). From the first checkup we had with Dr. S, she told me I was not advised to travel since my womb was not that strong. We were planning to go back to Penang with the rest of my family for Raya (since it's my turn to celebrate Raya with my side of the family this year!). But since my doctor told me that long distance travel would put too much pressure and could become a risk on my pregnancy, we decided not to go anywhere for Raya. What a bummer! ( _ _ ) 

So, for Raya this year, we went to my parents' home on Raya morning and stayed there until it was time for my whole family to start their journey to Penang. We went home after that with supplies of Raya food (my mom's most delicious rendang, kuah kacang, lodeh and nasi impit). It has become a tradition for me to 'tapau' food from my mom's home during Raya season and then at my home I usually divide the yummy goodies into two separate sets and put one set of the rendang, kuah kacang and lodeh into the freezer (so we could defrost and eat at a later time) and the other set into the fridge section (for our immediate consumption). I did this last year and ended up having a month of supply of mom's yummy rendang and kuah kacang! Hehe.. Really was a feast for me. So, this year, I aim to do the same to ensure that my supply of Raya food last as long as it could.

On the second day of Raya, since there was nothing to do, we went to Ikea. In our minds, the place must be not so crowded as most city dwellers are safe and sound at their hometowns. Boy, we were wrong! The place was packed with people especially those not celebrating Raya! It was very crowded, even more so than the usual weekend's throng of shoppers. Since the place was too crowded, we quickly bought what we came for (some Billy Bookcase extensions, some curry puffs) and then went straight home. My feet I did manage to get a copy of the latest 2012 Ikea Catalouge though, so that made me very happy indeed albeit being tired.

All in all, this year's Raya was quite an experience. We celebrated Raya together just the two of us for the first time and InsyaAllah, the last time since our marriage in 2004 since our wee little one is coming soon. Next year's celebration will be a totally different story with a tiny addition to the family. Can't wait till that day comes! ( ^_^ )

1st Trimester... Upchuck Galore!

I am over my first trimester. Alhamdulillah.. It was quite an interesting three months I had since everything is all new to me. The first month was quite okay and my appetite kind of increased a little bit. By the time the second month kicked in, the bout of dizziness and nauseousness reared it's ugly head. Unlike some pregnant women, I was not so blessed to escape that bout of morning sickness. Mine was more like an all day sickness no matter what time it is, be it early morning, afternoon or even at night. I often get migraine and even had to bring a homemade cold compress to work (even into a few meetings!). I made the cold compress by putting a couple of ice cubes into a ziplock plastic bag, then wrapping that ziplock bag with a towel, then tying the towel with a rubber band. I even had an aversion to any kinds of scent! There goes my perfume wearing days. I also had developed a kind of dislike to anything labeled as cosmetic too. So all my lipbalms had to sit in my drawer for quite some time.

The nauseousness was quite bad for me. I had to have a couple of sour tidbits to nibble on to lessen the effect. It became even harder when the holy fasting month came. I was in my third month at that time. During the day I could not nibble on snacks to keep that pukish feeling at bay so I end up feeling sick all day. The dizziness was also one thing I had to deal with. I was trying my best to get a full month of fasting but I was too weak to get it. At one point, I was too weak to do anything and had to lie down at the office to get a little bit of strength. It was at that time that I surrendered and went to see the doctor at the nearby clinic. The doctor told me that I was having a low blood pressure and advised me not to fast because I was quite weak. She even gave me a few days of medical leave so that I could rest. She even told me that if my condition continues, she might have to admit me into the hospital to get some fluids into my system. After that, my dear husband told me to alternate my fasting days. I end up fasting a couple of days and then resting for one day, then continuing to fast a couple of days and then rest for one day again, and the cycle goes on until the end of fasting month.

My boss was quite furious that I had to take a couple of days off for my medical leave (as instructed by my doctor, mind you!). He even called me a weakling! All I could reply was that not all pregnant women are blessed with strength during their first trimester and every pregnancy is not the same. Even though I was sick all day and was quite weak, I managed to get all my work done and he had no reason to complaint at all. So, in the end he let me be and maybe my work spoke for me even though there might be some whispers behind my back saying what a weakling I am. Who cares, right? As long as the baby in my belly is growing healthily, I am happy even though I feel crappy. ( ^_^ )

1st Trimester ~ Surprising Turn of Likes & Dislikes..

Being pregnant is something new to me and my dear husband. Currently, I am in the midst of my first trimester. From the beginning I was feeling quite healthy but once the hormones started to kick in, all types of fiasco kind of broke loose. By fiasco I meant the morning, afternoon and night sickness. ( >.< ) I guess every pregnancy is different for every women since when my sisters were pregnant, they either had brief morning OR night sickness but I got the whole package and it lasted for quite some time too. Huhu.. My mother said it might even stay up till my 6th month of pregnancy! Yikes!

Apart from the sickness and feeling like a limp veggie all day and night, my preferences for food and things to do had also changed mysteriously. I used to go gung ho on online shopping, but now? Nope, kind of hate it. Yup, it' true. ME, the non-stop shopper had abruptedly stopped shopping! My dear hubby is very very very happy about this change. Haha! I don't even like to go the shopping malls now. We go to shopping malls only if we had to especially for food or groceries. Sometimes my hubby goes alone because I don't feel like going through the throngs of people jostling about at the mall.

I also watch less and less tv except cooking shows and I also don't get hooked up on the internet as often as before. Weird, huh? My preferences for food had also changed somehow. I used to reaaaally like my food to be slightly on the sweet side, but now not so much. My cup of pre-mixed teh tarik now can be drank without additional sugar! I don't add sugar to my chicken soup anymore and I don't seem to crave for chocolates as much. I do notice that I kind of like roti canai a lot and aslo iced milk tea. Yum!

I now suddenly cannot stand the whiff of any kinds of perfume-y scents. All my favourite scents are unwearable as they kind of make me feel woozy and what smelled nice to me before now smelled quite bad. I can only stand a minimal amount of vanilla-ish scent or anything that smelled fresh. In the end I don't use any perfume at all. Since my hubby still uses them, he had to resort putting his perfume on outside of our room. Thank you, hubby!  Other than that, I also suddenly have this hate for makeup and lippies. I used to go crazy over lip balms but now I cannot stand the idea of putting them on my lips! Any hype or advertisement about makeup made me cringe and pull a face. I really really cannot stand the idea of it, it's that bad! So now, I don't wear any of my favourite lipbalms anymore and the lot had been sitting idly in my drawer serving no purpose (for the time being, I hope).

Anyway, likes and dislikes apart, I still cannot stomach a lot of food because almost everything makes me nauseous. I end up loosing quite a lot of weight because I tend to not eat a lot. I do much on dry biscuits and some sour tidbits to keep the nauseousness at bay but since it's a pregnancy hormone thing, it's still there. For the time being I'll just have to wing it and hope that this phase of sickness will fade away fast and that my tiny little baby in my tummy is growing healthily. Praying hard to Allah SWT that everything goes well for me and the baby. ( ^_^ )

It Has Finally Happened..

A miracle has finally happened for my husband and I. We got pregnant!! After seven years of being married and having our honeymoon years, after a loooong trip down the infertility treatment road, we are finally blessed with a little one on our way. I am still coming to terms with the fact that our baby is growing in my belly and sometimes second guessing myself. My dear husband is taking it all in rather well. He has been very helpful and supportive of my all day and night sickness and my lack of energy to do anything.

Remember when we were in between cycles and were put on hold since April? Well, in May I tried again to get that elusive appointment from LPPKN with no luck as usual. This time around a very friendly nurse picked up the phone when I made the call. She got my medical file and perused over it after asking the usual routine question on when was my last cycle. She commented that the last IUI was technically supposed to be a sure-hitter because everything was looking great. My eggs were the right size, my uterus was lining nicely and the timing was right. Unfortunately it was not meant to be. Since I had to wait out this cycle too, the nurse advised me on the fertile dates based on my cycle and that we should try again naturally and pray that a miracle might happen. We did just that and after those dates, and my husband made me promise not to do a HPT until I really have missed my monthly flow. After that, we didn't put much thought to it but went by our daily life (Yeah, right! As if it the two weeks wait didn't nag at the back of my brain the whole time! Hehe..).

My willpower to not pee on a stick didn't last very long though. A few days before my monthly flow was due, I did a HPT early in the morning. I actually saw a very faint line. It was very faint that I was doubting that it was there and was in between believing, hoping and thinking that maybe it was an evaporation line. I didn't put my hopes up and just went on to work trying not to think about it. The next morning, which was the day that my period was actually due to come, I tried again and a faint line appeared slightly darker than the previous day. A bubble of hope started to rise in my heart.

Peeing on a stick can truly become an addiction. I did the test again on the third day and got a slightly darker line again. I was trying to tone down my bubbling hope by this point because I didn't want to get another false positive like last time. But, at the same time I still couldn't stop peeing on that darned stick! Aaaa! It has become an addiction! My dear husband was on to me by this time and told me not to use another HPT on the next day. I succeeded in doing what he asked but I did the test again on the following day! I just couldn't help myself! This time the line was clearly visible. The next day, I finally succumbed in using my Clearblue stick that had been sitting in my dresser drawer. I got a really thick blue horizontal line, which I never had before this. The lines that I always get were very faint even though they were positives. This time around it was very very clear and thick.

I called up LPPKN the next day to book an appointment for UPT at the clinic to confirm and the kind nurse told me to just walk-in. On that morning when we getting ready to go to the clinic, I did two tests in one go using a Guardian's HPT (which was quite good) and also a Clearblue Digital (just for good measure.. hehe..). When we arrived at the clinic, a little fiasco ensued between a particular stern nurse and the kindly nurse at the Fertility Clinic counter saying I cannot walk-in (huh? Contradiction from the instruction I got over the phone!). She told me to wait so she could check with my doctor (who was in the procedure room carrying out IUIs). She even told me to surrender my waiting number coupon and returned my appointment card (indicating that I will not be tested that day). The kind nurse who advised me came over and told me to just wait a while and then she also went to see my doctor. Then after a few minutes, the stern nurse called out my name, and told me to give back my appointment card and she returned the waiting number coupon to me and told me to wait. I guess I am to be tested after all! Haha! The kind nurse was smiling smugly while the stern nurse was trying to avoid looking at me directly.

After a while, I did the urine test and then waited for the result. After almost all waiting patients cleared out of the waiting room (those with appointments), I was called in to finally see my doctor. He was smiling when we entered his room. As we sat in front of his desk, he broke the news and shook our hands. It was POSITIVE!! He even wrote the result using a red pen in capital letters. We then discussed about the possibility of how I got pregnant naturally in between cycles. My doctor said that maybe the effects of the hormonal injections and medicines that I took was still in my system helping me to be extra fertile which helped me get pregnant. We didn't want to argue because we were over the moon. My husband finally accepted the fact that all the tests I did at home were actually positive! The doctor then gave us advice on how to be extra careful during the first trimester as he didn't want what happened with me last time to occur again. He gave us lots of advice and tips about pregnancy as well. At the end of the consultation session, my doctor told me that I can carry out monthly checkup at any hospital of my choice and need not to come to LPPKN for check ups anymore. They are releasing me. I felt kind of sad but relieved at the same time. Kind of like saying goodbye to an old friend..

Anyway, here we are on our new journey to become parents after 7 years of marriage. I feel very happy but at the same time a bit scared and uncertain. I hope everything goes well with no complications. I am thankful to Allah SWT in giving us a chance to finally have a baby in our life.. Alhamdulillah.. ( ^ _^ )

Another Cycle Put On Hold..

I called up LPPKN yesterday to start another cycle since the ugly AF had shown its ugly head a few days back. I was actually at the Convention Centre setting up the protocol tagging and running here and there to get my job at hand done. In the midst of hectic madness I managed to squeeze in my phone call to LPPKN. After more than a couple of times trying to get to the Fertility Unit, I was put through and was able to talk to a nurse to set up my appointment. The nurse checked my doctor's schedule and broke the bad news to me that he is yet again unavailable this month because his calendar is already full! That means yet another cycle had to be put on wait, AGAIN! The same thing happened last month and again this month. Ramadhan is getting near so I think maybe it's going to be like last year all over again. I kind of feel sad thinking that this journey is too hard for me to take and it's taking a toll on me emotionally and physically. Plus, the waiting game DOES NOT help BIG TIME! *sigh*

I have been too busy lately with work that I don't have time for a decent rest everyday. Weekends are always hectic for me as well since lately we either travel long distance or we have to run around doing errands for others. In the crazy non-stop  and energy draining race I think I've lost a bit of myself along the way. I feel very tired, sad, hurt and lost all my drive for anything. I just want to stay home for a while but I know that's not possible.. I have to admit it.. I am officially depressed.. ( _ _ )
 

Too Many Things To Do.. Too Little Time..

Hi guys. I am so sorry that I was absent from updating this blog for some time. The reason being that I got too many things to handle at the new office for the time being. Since my assistant got into a car accident last weekend and had to stay at home for about a week and my supervisor transferred division at that same week, I am left alone and HUGELY handicapped since I had to do everything myself!

To make matters worse, suddenly there are numerous request and standing directions from higher level management for my unit to carry out various events and meetings for this month and next month as well! I tried to do whatever I can to complete all the tasks with the only two hands I have. I guess if it comes to desperate measure, I'll have to use my feet as well! Maybe by then my boss will realize that I am given way too many stuff to do at the same time. 

I guess for the time being it is my fate to work at the most busiest places in every organizations I'm placed at. I do wish that one day I will have the opportunity to be placed at a decent paced office and somewhere where I can at least take a breather once in a while. Huhu.. ( T T )

A New Cycle Put On Hold.. Waiting Game, Here We Go Again!

I think it's official that my 2nd IUI was not successful, since the last glimmer of hope has already sunk with the steady flow of non-stopping blood. After I had pulled all the misery I am feeling currently into a corner of my brain, I called LPPKN past 2.30 pm as usual (because they will not give you an appointment if you call before the assigned time). The nurse told me that she will call me back to confirm my appointment and so I waited. After about 30 minutes later, she did call me back but to bring bad news that the doctor's appointment is already full for tomorrow, so I have to wait for another month to see my doctor. That means, I have to wait for another AF cycle then I will only be able to call LPPKN to get an appointment, but that is also subject to the clinic's availability for that month. Now, do you still wonder why I get so stressful and depressed about this whole infertility business? It seems like the waiting game gets to be played more than the actual treatment itself. Anyway, I am currently walking around with gloomy cloud over my head and have no desire to interact with the people around me for the time being. I just want to be left alone, not go to work and just stay in bed.. Woe becomes me.. ( T T )

17 days past IUI..

It has been 17 days past my IUI procedure and 2 days past since I started spotting and bleeding.. Today the bleeding seem to get heavier and steadier. Even though deep in my heart I am still hoping that this is not my monthly AF, but I guess the evidence tells otherwise. Apart from the weird flow of blood, I also has lost the soreness in my BBs and the cramping also has been almost nonexistence. I am crushed and down in the dumps.. Now I have to prepare myself for another round of trial and tribulation of IVF as the next step. Why is it so hard to get a baby? ( T T )

15 days past IUI..

It has been 15 days past my IUI procedure. I am now very worried because since last night some bleeding had occurred at around 7 pm. I tried to stay calm and just go about my daily routine but the fact that I bled is nagging in my head. I went to bed and woke up today and was relieved that there was no spotting. I went about my daily morning routine of ironing my work clothes and stepped into the bathroom to shower and found that there was some bleeding! Aaaaaa! I am panicking BIG TIME!

After trying to psych myself (without any success) I got ready for work with protection that women uses monthly just in case the ugly AF decided to show up (and dreading it all the way). I haven't missed taking my daily dosage of Folic Acid and my Duphaston at 8.00 am and 8.00 pm everyday (with occasional time lapse now and then that is, but still diligently everyday).

At about 9.30 am here at the office, I went to the loo and found that there was no spotting but only a little bit of a pinkish stain. I am now a bit confused and scared. Is it implantation spotting or is it the early signs of AF showing up? I called up my sister and she told me to take it easy, breathe and not to stress myself out (a hard thing to do in my case). She told me that when she had her first baby, she did bleed also but in a red jelly-like form. That had got me worried to because my bleeding is not jelly-like. It's like the early arrival of AF or the end of it. I really really really hope that this is not the case of AF for me. ( T T )

Up until today my cramping has lessened and the soreness in my BBs are still there but not quite as strong as the first week post IUI. I don't feel as bloated as the first week as well. Apart from occasional headaches and the spotting, I really feel fine. I do hope that the lack of symptoms does not lead to bad news for me. Please pray for me to get a BFP this time..

14 days past IUI..

It has been 14 days past my IUI procedure. I am now in my 2nd week of the dreaded 2 Weeks Waiting period. For the 1st week, I had experienced some mild cramping and sore BBs. This week it has been almost the same but I felt the cramping is intermittent and the soreness has lessened. Now this got me really worried because from what I've read, most women with cramping and sore BBs usually end up with big fat positive signs when they do their HPT. Lately, however, I did experience tiredness, felt slightly bloated and had a slight back pain. I am getting most of the usual symptoms when I am near the time AF comes but I hope these are all the signs that lead to a BFP this time!

The pull to do the HPT is VERY strong! I practically have to tell myself over and over again that it's too early. I hope my will power will prevail and help me not get sucked into the pee-on-a-stick rampage!

Anyway, baby dust, please come my way! ( ^-^ )

IUI Day!!

I woke up today a little bit late since I slept late last night. The prospect of my IUI procedure was hanging on my back as my dear husband and I was rushing to get ready and perform my prayers. We drove to LPPKN and stopped by a McDonald's drive-through for our breakfast on the go and ate in the car while we were stuck inside traffic. We arrived at LPPKN at 8.00 am, 30 minutes late than scheduled. Luckily the nurse at the counter was in a good mood and did not scold me or anything. I took my Duphaston while we were waiting and made a mental note not to forget this time.

My hubby and I waited for a while and then heard his name called. We were told to go up to level 7 for my hubby to produce his swimmers to be processed by the lab. After that was done, we were told to go back to level 6 for payment and then proceed back to level 7 to wait for the IUI procedure. We waited quite some time at level 6 but my name was not called. The clock was already ticking and I was getting worried. In the end I went to the nurse counter and asked about the bill. She then passed me the bill and told me to go to the payment counter. Duh!! I could have cut the waiting time shorter if only I'd asked earlier rather than waited. Huhu..

After the payment was made, we made our way back to level 7 and waited for my name to be called out. My husband was already nodding off because he stayed up late the other night doing his assignment. When my name was called, I went into the operation room and was told to lie down on my back on one of the curtained beds. Now, I have a very low pain threshold and am dreading the speculum they are going to use. I even asked the nurse whether I can be drugged so that I would not feel the pain when the speculum is inserted but she just laughed and said that I need to relax and not fight the thingamajig.. 

As I laid on the bed with my legs propped up my panic kind of build up and I was already trying to subdue my trembling. By the time the doctor came I was on the verge of a panic attack and I told my doctor about my panic state. He calmed me down and told me to take deep breaths and breath slowly. Two nurses stood by each bedside and coached me to calm down throughout the whole process. My doctor then proceeded to clean my vijayjay with warm water and then placed the speculum slowly. Surprisingly it didn't hurt as much as I anticipated but once he started to open the mouth of the speculum wide and screwing the tool to lock it in place, I started to feel pain. When the nice nurse on my right side recited my name and identification number for confirmation I was already not focusing because I was concentrating hard not to clench my muscle down there. But I did catch a glimpse of my name and confirmed. My doctor asked me to confirm my name and I hurriedly confirmed that the specimen in the small tube the nurse is holding is my husband's and my name is there on the tube.

Then the doctor proceeded to inject the sperm using a small catheter and then loosened up the speculum. The pain I felt subsided as the screw was loosened up and the speculum withdrawn out. Then my doctor told me to keep my legs bent up and lie down for 20-30 minutes. Luckily I brought a book with me this time to pass the time away. After the whole procedure and waiting is over, I was given an MC and was told to relax and try to not stress myself out. If everything goes well and Aunt Flo does not come knocking at my door this month, I am scheduled to go for a Urine Pregnancy Test on the 3rd of May.

I hope this time everything do go well and I can break great news at last to everyone for the first time. Lots of baby dust for me pretty please. Now I am embarking on the journey of the 2 weeks wait which is excrutiating on the nerves. Do pray for me ya! ( ^_^ )

Busy Day Plus Appointment With Mr Dildocam again..

I haven't told all of you what my new office assigned me to do and it's a shocker for me. I have to be in charge of events. What?? I am so not an event in charge person and the most not outspoken person on the planet. I was supposed to be involved with human resource but somehow the person that was supposed to be saddled with the events thingie talked to management and managed to wiggle out of that predicament. Everybody know that being in charge of events for an organization is super duper busy. I was hoping to be placed at a more relaxed place but I guess that didn't happen. I am hoping I would get my due promotion this year and can move on to other division and get my butt out of the event mess.

Well, even though I am a newbie in this event handling unit, there's an event scheduled on the 6th, which happened to be the day that I have my second appointment with Mr. Dildocam at 3.00 pm. I was supposed to be at the hotel where they are holding the event at 3.00 pm to oversee the preparation. I told my supervisor about my appointment and she was fine with me being a little late since I had no clue on what to do anyway at the hotel.

So, at 3.00 pm I was already at LPPKN getting my eggs scanned. My doctor was quite happy with the progress and the two big eggs had grown from 18mm to 20mm and the other small sized eggs were also growing 1mm to 2mm bigger. My doctor told that the sizes are very ideal and we need to carry out the IUI on Friday. So on that night, I had to inject myself with Pregnyl at 8.00 pm. I was thinking to myself, 'Oh no! The event starts at 8.00 pm!'.

My hubby then drove me to the hotel and left me there to finish my job for the day. I went and tried my best to observe and oversee what I could with the help of some subordinates, my supervisor and also some colleagues with the table tagging, guest list and arrangement. When all that was done, I went up to a shared hotel room and got ready. After my evening prayers, I injected myself with Pregnyl at 7.55 pm (in front of the girls who barely knew me and much to their horror) and then rushed downstairs for the event. Really not relaxing at all. Huhu.. It was quite stressful because I usually lie down and relaxed every time after an injection so the feeling was not the same.

The event lasted until 11.00 pm and by the time I hit the bed I was already zonked out from tiredness. I hope the upcoming business does not affect my treatment. I just wish that maybe a miracle would happen and money fall from the sky enabling me to quit my job and stay at home. I kind of feel not alltogether there yet with this new task at hand.

Anyway, I will have to go back to LPPKN on the 8th for my 2nd attempt at IUI and hopefully this time is the ONE. Pray for me ya.. ( ^_^ )

Appointment With Mr. Dildocam..

I went to my appointment with Mr. Dildocam today. Okay, actually it's just an ultrasound appointment. After the 3 injections of Gonal-F, my doctor needed to see how much and how big the eggs had grown with the help of the hormonal medicine. This time around my dear husband wasn't able to accompany me like he always does because there's a Telekom guy coming to set up the new UNIFI at our home. So, he sent me to a train station and I went to the clinic by LRT.

My appointment was scheduled at 9.00 am and I arrived at 9.00 am on the dot. Of course the waiting area was already packed with couples and I had to wait for some time until my name was called out. Prior to ultrasound, patients are told to go to the loo and pee first and the same goes for me. 

An ultrasound routine basically is just the doctor inserting a camera through the patient's vijayjay down there and scan the uterus and ovary to look at the condition inside and also take note of the egg's sizes and amount. I guess Gonal-F agrees with me because my doctor showed me that there was only one small one on the left. There were 6 eggs on my right ovary growing healthily and with acceptable sizes. There was two that exceeds my doctors expectation which grew to 18mm.

After the ultrasound cam had been removed and it was consultation time, my doctor advised me to take another shot that night and come back the next day for another ultrasound. It was a tight schedule because the IUI procedure had to be done on Friday since the clinic is closed on Saturdays. So I was prescribed two boxes of 75IU Gonal-F to be injected at that night. Well, let's see what happens on the next ultrasound. Lots of prayers! 

Gonal-F Self Injection. Oh! What A Joy!!

Everybody knows I am a big wimp when it comes to pain. Everybody also knows that I am a bigger wimp when it comes to needles! So getting those hormonal jabs each cycle are always painful and dreadful to me. When my doctor changed my medicine for this treatment cycle to Gonal-F I thought nothing of it and presumed that the procedure of self-injection would be the same.

Gonal-F is actually a synthetic hormonal injection whereas the ones I was prescribed before this (Menonys and Menopur) were natural based hormonal injections. Upon receiving the boxes of Gonal-F, I was already psyching myself up to endure another round of painful jabs on the tummy. When the nurse showed me a sample of an opened box I saw that the big box contained a pen much alike those injection pens diabetic patients uses for their insulin injections. Then she showed me the sample of the smaller box which contained a syringe, a bottle of powdered medicine and two needles (one is VERY big and the other one small). She then showed me how to administer the injection, and I couldn't help but smile from ear to ear. The needles were very fine and short! Hurrah!! In my head I was already jumping up and down brimming with happinnes and high hopes that the short and fine needle would not hurt as much as the old conventional syringes I've encountered.

Using the pen is so simple. Since the pen is already preloaded with the medicine, all I had to do was attach the needle, twist the dosage indicator to the right amount of dosage needed, pull the end tab of the pen until there's a click sound and then I'm good to go. Here's how the box of Gonal-F injection pen looks like and how I prepared the set for my injecton:

My set of injectables - the preloaded pen and needle sets.

The pen uncapped.

Screwing on the needle set. Need two hands for this actually.

 

Twisting the twister mechanism at the back of the pen to the exact amount of dosage I need.

Pulling the tab to lock the dosage chosen. A click sound is heard indicating that the pen is locked and loaded.

 

Pulling off the needle set cap.

 Pulling off the needle cap.

The preloaded pen with very fine needle ready to be injected into my tummy.

Seeing that the needle was quite short and fine, I mustered up the courage to do the injection myself! All my injections were administered by my dear hubby before this. The Gonal-F pen surprisingly didn't hurt as much as the conventional syringes that I have encountered before. I was quite worried about the pain at first but just winged it and was pleasantly surprised that it didn't burn as much. The first time I used the pen, I fumbled a bit and was worried that I didn't push the end tab of the pen to the right amount. My worries were relieved when I did my second injection and found that the end of the pen stops at the same place when I first did the injection.

The dosage I needed was 150IU for each injection and the pen was preloaded with 375IU. So, for the third day, I had to do two injections - first with the pen with the remaining 75IU and the second injection with another set of Gonal-F with 75IU. The second set from the smaller box needed to be mixed first because this set was not a preloaded type of injection.

My set of extra 75IU Gonal F injection.

The syringe was already preloaded with solution. The nurse advised me to just use half of the solution because too much will probably make the injection a bit painful. The security cap had to be broken off so that the needle can be attached.

Preloaded solution inside the syringe.

The cap of the syringe broken off and ready for the needle to be attached.

The first needle needed was the long and thick needle. Thankfully this BIG needle is not for injection purposes! When the nurse showed me that needle I was already sweating buckets! Hehe.. The needle has to be inserted into the powdered medicine vial. After about half of the solution is injected into the vial, the rest of the solution on the syringe needs to be disposed and the empty syringe put aside capped, and the mixed medicine needs to be gently rolled in between my palm to mix them properly. The vial cannot be roughly handled because we do not want bubbles forming in the solution. The mixed medicine is now ready to be sucked back into the empty syringe gently (also to avoid bubbles).

Big needle. Yikes!

Breaking off the safety cap of the first needle.

Attaching the needle to the syringe.

Inserting the needle into the medicine vial.

Gently rolling the mixture.

Re-sucking the medicine into the syringe.

Attaching the injecting needle.

The needle uncapped.

The loaded syringe ready to be used.

Close up on the fine needle.

The injection with the separate set was also bearable and not as painful as I'd thought it would be. Since both types of Gonal-F agrees with me, I do hope the medicine injected helps make the eggs grow big and healthy. I am scheduled for an ultrasound on the 5th of April. If everything goes well, I will be scheduled for IUI on Thursday. Pray for me ya!
( ^_^ )

Too busy!! And 2nd attempt @ LPPKN

Hi dear readers. Remember my last post about my moving to a new office? Well, I went on the 22nd to report duty bearing a letter from my old office to postpone my working there for two weeks to settle my handover note and any pending tasks I have at the old office. Actually there's a big board meeting scheduled on the 30th so I was hoping to escape that. But not so lucky for me, the new office approved and so I had to trot back to my old office to settle the big impending meeting. Huhu.. had to prepare 15 papers including their supporting documents, plus 4 copies each of them too! Madness!!

Anyway, amongst the hectic mayhem I was in during my last hours at my comfortable office room, I sneaked a call to LPPKN to set an appointment to see my ol' doctor and the nurse slotted me in for the next morning.  My husband and I talked it out and we decided to give LPPKN another go with high hopes that things would be better for us this time around. So, when my hubby and I went to the appointment, the doctor re-reviewed my condition and past history of iui failure attempts. In the end, he advised us to try another round of IUI before moving up to IVF. I was put on clomid for a week and a change of hormonal medicine to Gonal-F. Folic acid is a must everyday.

Now Gonal-F is a follitropin alfa injection that provides the hormone (FSH) that helps the to produce eggs large healthy eggs. Uuu.. I feel like a chicken!  Unlike Menonys and Menopur which had to be mixed manually, Gonal-F comes in a preloaded and ready to use injection pen. My dosage per injection should be 150 IU that has to be administered in 3 days but the pen has 375 IU, so on the last day I have to do two injections which is one with the preloaded pen and another one via conventional method which is the mixing and injecting method. Quite dreading the 2 injection day.. huhu.. Well guys, wish me luck for this cycle ya. Till the next post! ( ^_^ )

Finally!

Hi everyone! I know some of you will think that I am finally pregnant by the topic of this post, but rest assured, I still am on trial and error phase. The topic relates to my attempts to get relocated from my current office and yes, FINALLY the Almighty Gracious God had blessed me the way out of my predicament.

I received a call yesterday from my HR department. Here's how the conversation goes:

Me: Hello, good afternoon. (I am so ever polite on the phone. hehe..)
HR Guy: Nekko!
Me: Yes, Mr. HR Guy!
HR Guy: 22nd!
Me: What about 22nd?
HR Guy: NON. (NON refers to new office's name)
Me: What about NON?
HR Guy: You must go there!
Me: Do I have a meeting there? A course?
HR Guy: No lahh.. you have to report duty there lah! haha!
Me: Are you serious?? Are you pulling my leg?! OMG! OMG!
HR Guy: I am serious. Your application for transfer has been approved and you have to report duty on that day.
Me: Okay. When do I get the letter?
HR Guy: Oh, the letter is in my boss' room. I'll tell you when you can come up and get it, okay?
Me: Sure. Thanks so much Mr HR Guy! Really appreciate it.
HR Guy: You are most welcome.

I was on cloud nine the rest of the afternoon smiling from ear to ear but not telling people what I am smiling about. I do hope this movement is not one of those 'out of a tiger's jaw and into the dragon's mouth' experiences which had happened a few times to me transferring from one office to another. Please do pray for me my dear readers. I hope I will finally get a good boss, a great working environment and job satisfaction. I will update what happens next after I have report duty on that date.

Till then, ola! ( ^_^ )

Other Options..

I have been putting off calling LPPKN for the past few months already. I cringe at the thought of calling them up every month maybe because I am a bit of a chicken not wanting to go through bouts of disappointment at the hands of my perfectionist-I-want-the-egg-size-to-be-21mm doctor there. I know that it is highly important to get help in this infertility matter because sometimes waiting it out would not bring any results especially in cases with endometriosis diagnosed and 1/3 of the left ovary is removed. But I just could not bring myself to call them up.

My sister is practically nagging me to pick up the phone and call every time Aunt Flo comes each month and I just procrastinate and procrastinate. I think it is high time for us to look at other options. I heard that HUKM do have a facility to treat infertility as well and it is still priced at government price like LPPKN. Going to private hospitals is also an option but can be costly. So, I think I will opt to try out HUKM for the time being.. Maybe next month.. We'll see.. Hope it will work out and I will get a not-so-perfectionist doctor this time.

Holiday Break!

Oh my dear, I have been complacent in updating this blog all thanks to my hectic 9-5 (which actually usually extends to more than that!) job which usually drains me out of energy by 6 pm! There has not been any exciting activities other than my usual havoc routine running around doing things (usually for laidback superiors!) at the office. This year there's a lot of public holidays that fall either on Tuesdays or Thursdays which leaves Mondays and Fridays temptingly open for me to apply for my annual leave.

I really look forward to the long holiday break during Chinese New Year which falls two days at the end of a working week. On that same week, there is also a Federal Day that falls on Tuesday. So that leaves only two working days for the whole week! Should I take both days off, I will get a whopping nine days off! Nine! C'mon people! Nine days!! I am SO taking those two days off! Hehe..That's is going to be a holiday break I need in a loooooong time. God knows I really need one. Maybe I can get some quality zzzzzzss somewhere during this long break.

Anyways, happy long weekend to everyone (especially those whose taking their 2 days off like me)! ( ^_^ )

Happy New Year!!

It has been a while since my last post and now suddenly a new year is creeping up upon us already! How the time flies without all of us realizing it especially when we are too busy with our fast paced life. Looking back at the recent year, I recall lots of ups and downs going through the whole fiasco of TTC. I guess maybe the new year will bring luck (I think I hoped for the same thing early last year too!) but I am not too hopeful this time around. What comes will come and we are going nowhere at the moment, so anything can happen or not happen.

For the new coming year, I hope everyone is blessed with happiness and prosperity. I also hope that everything goes well in the department of needles and pills for yours truly! (Actually I am hoping to not go through the whole process again! ( T.T ) Well, let's just go with the flow and wish for the best.

Here's wishing all of you a very happy new year and lots of baby dust to those in the same boat as me!

Have a great year guys! ( ^_^ )